Lost In A Moment
by Kat27
Summary: Three and a half years after the Jam Pony incident, Max and Alec are mated and dealing with a transgenic targeting their own kind. When Max is taken, how will they deal with the fallout...
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**Three and a half years after the Jam Pony incident, Max and Alec are mated and dealing with a transgenic serial rapist targeting their own kind. When Max is taken, how will they deal with the fallout...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Chapter 1**

**_Present – 2025Jan11 – Approximately 00:15 am_**

OC wandered restlessly about her apartment, picking up items at random and fiddling with them distractedly before setting them back down again in almost the same spot and moving on. Her gaze drawn time and time again to the clock ticking noisily on the wall and her just as distressingly silent phone. Lines of worry creasing her brow, she paused in the doorway to Max's old bedroom, her eyes rapidly glazing over with tears as she glanced around the hauntingly vacant interior.

Hearing a light tap at the door, she ran to answer it, dread and hope soaring to life inside her. Only to be replaced with disappointment as she found Alec standing alone on the other side, her Boo nowhere to be seen. "Still nothin'?"

When he shook his head weakly, obviously straining to maintain his composure as his own bloodshot and suspiciously watery eyes suddenly glanced off of hers to peer up at the ceiling; Cindy sighed heavily and pulled him inside and into her arms. Hugging him close and gently rubbing his back, she attempted to provide some semblance of comfort for them both; murmuring soothingly as he gradually returned her embrace, his arms tightening around her waist as he finally sank his head into her shoulder and breathed raggedly for several long minutes.

Coming back to herself as she noticed one of her neighbors gawking in at them as he staggered drunkenly toward his apartment, she pushed the door shut on him and guided Alec toward the couch, "Come on over here n' sit Suga', 'fore you fall down." She eyed him critically as she took a seat, taking in his rumpled clothing, disheveled hair, and pale unshaven face. "You ain't done a damn thing for yo'self since she was taken, have you."

He slowly slumped down in the cushions beside her and shook his head, struggling to remain focused and semi-rational, even though he hadn't slept in five agonizingly long days. "Can't. Just the thought of trying to eat or sleep right now? When I know what she's going through? Makes me sick. I... I just..."

His voice trailing off huskily, he buried his head in his hands, completely distraught as he thought about his missing mate. "It's hard to believe any of this is even happening, Cin. After the shit storm we've faced the last three and a half years, what with battling the Familiars and the government, not to mention all the infighting between the different factions in TC, and some of the people we've lost – Mole and Sam… Logan…" He shook his head sadly as he remembered how hard his death had hit Max. How long it had taken her to pick herself up and start living again. To open her eyes and notice him waiting for her.

"Everything was finally settled, you know. I actually thought that we could just relax and finally be happy for a change. Just live our lives in peace." He raised his head and looked over at her, his gaze tortured. "We haven't even really been together that long. Only managed to get our shit together enough to officially mate a couple months ago… So why the hell did this have to happen? Haven't we been through enough already?"

Sighing sadly, she murmured, "You'd think so, boo."

"Hell, Josh only left her alone in our apartment for maybe 5 minutes that morning. Went to go grab them some breakfast from the mess, since she wasn't feeling up to walking over there."

"Wasn't feelin' up to it?" She raised an eyebrow at him curiously, obviously puzzled by this new tidbit of information.

"She's been exhausted and feeling sick off and on the past few weeks." Unable to sit still any longer, he got up and started pacing the room, pulling out his cell phone and checking it, before pocketing it once more. "I wasn't quite sure what was going on with her - figured it was probably just stress what with this latest crap we've been dealing with - but she must've had some idea. Cause she got up early that morning and took off into the bathroom while I was still in bed. Took her forever to come out, but when she did… God OC, the look on her face… I've never seen her so excited… so happy… She was damn-near glowing."

"Oh Lordy." OC whispered, suddenly clueing in. "She's pregnant, ain't she."

"Yeah, she is." He stopped and stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought for a moment, his face screwing up with pain. "Or… maybe was, is more likely now… Cause I don't see how she could possibly still be after..." He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his eyes to try to banish the fresh moisture plaguing them, before slowly meeting her gaze.

"When she told me though? I couldn't stop smiling. Just wanted to stay home with her and celebrate, you know? But she knew there were a few things I needed to do at Command, especially since she wasn't goin' in, so she told me to go, that she'd call Josh over to stay with her and she'd be fine. We'd celebrate when I got home, she said." He choked on the word, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. "Some celebration that turned out to be."

"How'd this prick even get to her boo?" She asked carefully. "You guys were being so damn cautious - least that's the impression I got last time Max hit me up. She was spooked somethin' fierce after havin' to get the 411 from the others on what went down. So she wouldn'ta been takin' any chances, 'specially bein' pregnant an' all. So how did he…" She faltered, not really wanting to finish the sentence as Alec's face twisted horribly.

"Consensus is the rooftop ventilation system, since there wasn't any sign of forced entry and nobody saw even a hint of anybody hanging around who wasn't supposed to be there. This is the first time he's ever grabbed someone from their own home - probably _because_ we were being so cautious and he couldn't get to her any other way - so we both figured she'd be safe enough there. Bastard left a note pinned to the bathrobe she'd been wearing though, so I'd know he had her. Josh found it when he got back and came running to get me; and we locked that building down tighter than a drum. Searched every nook and cranny with a fine toothed comb. Several times over. But it was already way too late by that point," he spit out bitterly.

"Only thing we really know for sure right now is that he's transgenic. One of us. But how the hell could he do this, Cin? And why can't we figure out who he is? This is the fifth time now in as many weeks that he's taken one of our women and…"

His voice broke and he had to take a moment to clear his throat before continuing hoarsely, "He's raped and tortured all of them, almost beyond recognition… they're an absolute wreck by the time he's through with them and sets them free. Surely a guy this sick would be easy to spot…"

OC stared at him, not quite sure how to answer. "Not always, Boo. Unfortunately there're a lot of sickos out there an' most of 'em seem to know 'xactly how to hide it from normal folk. Just cause you guys are transgenic, don't make you perfect."

"I know, it's just... Shit!" He wheeled around and raked his hands through his hair as he resumed pacing and then checked his phone again compulsively. "I feel so damned helpless and it's driving me crazy. I'm not used to having to sit around and wait. I wish I could _do _something. I need to get her back. I'd give damn near anything right now, just to be able to hold her."

His voice dropping to a pained whisper, he admitted, "The sick bastard's rubbing my nose in it too. Been taping the whole thing and sending me clips every night. Taunting her with it while he's..." He broke off, unable to give voice to the horrific reality, several tears finally slipping free from his control and trailing down his cheek. "And it's not like I want to watch, but I can't seem to stop myself either. At least this way I can see that she's still alive, even though it's been killing me seeing her like that, with how much pain she's in…"

"I swear to God I'm gonna tear this prick apart with my bare hands when I finally catch him. And I will, if it's the last thing I ever do." His hands clenched repeatedly at his sides as he let out a low growl of despair and frustration.

Cindy stood up in front of him as he went to stalk past again and grabbed both his hands, squeezing them tight to catch his attention. "Easy boo. You gotta try 'n hold it together, a'ight?" She stared up into his eyes, silently offering her unwavering support. "Ain't gonna do Max a lick o' good, if you're a basket case when she manages to make it back, 'cause ya know she's gonna need you somethin' fierce to try an' get through this."

He took a few deep breaths to try and calm down, then nodded determinedly. "Yeah. You're right. And she should've been released a couple hours ago if he's staying true to form. That's why I came over here, 'cause I'm guessing your place is gonna feel a hell of a lot safer to her than TC or our apartment right now. Given the givens."

He sighed and pulled his hands free; grabbing his cell phone and checking it again to make sure it was set on its loudest ring tone. "A couple of my old unit mates offered to come with me to stand watch outside. And everyone in TC is on the lookout too. As soon as someone spots her, they're supposed to call me so…" He broke off as his cell phone rang and flipped it open quickly.

"Go for Alec." He bit out.

"Max is here. Took us a minute to identify her, but she's on her way up there. Retha's right behind her with the med kit."

"She's here?" Snapping the phone shut, he hurried toward the door, opening it and stepping out into the hall, then pacing impatiently as he noticed the elevator was already on its way up. A muted dinging finally announcing its arrival.

As the door slid open, she hobbled slowly into view, her left arm hanging limply at her side, obviously dislocated or broken, while her right was wrapped protectively around her abdomen. Her hands were buried inside the bloodstained cuffs of the oversized grey hoodie that engulfed her slender frame, and only the tips of her bare toes could be seen peeking out from the bottoms of the frayed navy pajama pants that hung loosely from her hips. Hood raised and head bowed, the rest of her body remained hidden from view as she completely ignored their relieved cries and limped past them toward the apartment, making straight for the bathroom with Retha following several feet behind sporting a black eye and split lip, and looking extremely worried as she waved them off.

Trailing anxiously after her, they hovered uncertainly in the doorway and watched as she stopped and swayed in front of the sink, slowly reaching up to push the hood back with a trembling hand, fresh blood dripping from her raw fingertips as they emerged from their hiding place, several of the nails missing. Her bruised and battered face appearing next, completely drained of emotion, her right eye swollen completely shut while her left was barely able to open. Blood oozing slowly from her broken nose, the large gashes slicing across her left cheekbone and forehead, and along the edges of her cracked and split lips. Her matted hair hanging lankly about her face.

"Oh Sugar." OC murmured, barely able to speak, and pushed her way into the room. Then hesitated and took a cautious step back when she heard a low eerily menacing growl and Alec quickly warned, "Don't go any closer or try to touch her yet. She's so far gone right now, she'll be operating on raw instinct. And until she recognizes that she's truly safe, anybody that gets too close is going to be considered a threat and dealt with accordingly."

Gesturing at her own face, Retha confirmed, "He's right. She damn near took my head off when I tried to help her on the elevator."

Lost back in her own world now that everyone had backed off, she slid open the mirrored door on the medicine cabinet and pulled out her emergency stash of tryptophan, struggling one-handed with the lid for a moment, before bracing the bottle between her hip and the sink and prying it off. Pouring more than half a dozen pills into the cup on the ledge and filling it with a bit of water; she tossed it back and swallowed them, then grabbed her old toothbrush and began brushing her teeth meticulously.

After spitting out all the bloodstained toothpaste and rinsing her mouth, she tilted her head to the side and peered at her reflection in the mirror for over a minute, finally dropping her toothbrush back in its holder. Raising her right hand, she trailed her fingers gingerly along the bridge of her nose until she found the misaligned piece of bone and jerked it back into place, then blotted the resulting increased flow of blood on her sleeve.

FLASH

…_cruel fingers digging through her hair and scraping over her scalp… _

_forcing her face down into the bile and water she'd thrown up and rubbing it in it… _

_using her hair to sop up the excess mess and then shoving it into her mouth as a gag…_

Flinching visibly and giving a low whimper as she eyed the matted clumps, she closed her left eye for a moment and sucked in a ragged breath of air, then reached back up into the medicine cabinet, pulling out a pair of long, sharp scissors. Oblivious to the worried gasps and cries from her concerned spectators, she started hacking at her hair, the snip of the blades loud in the now otherwise silent room as she cut it off to just below her ears, letting the snarled strands fall to the floor in disarray.

Seemingly satisfied by the results of her impromptu haircut, she dropped the scissors in the sink and turned toward the shower, awkwardly attempting to get undressed one-handedly. Unfortunately, her dislocated arm kept getting in the way, and she shuffled closer to the wall with a low huff of displeasure. Carefully maneuvering the limb up into position, she suddenly jerked forward hard and fast, slamming her shoulder into the wall and popping the joint back into its socket, with barely any complaint.

After rotating it cautiously a few times to make sure it was properly in place, she slowly and painstakingly began shedding the ragtag clothing she'd acquired on her way there, baring a mass of horrific cuts, bruises, bite marks and welts. Her back and buttocks flayed raw with a few pieces of loose skin hanging in strips, drawing cries of horror from Cindy. The flesh around her wrists and ankles in similar condition, scraped and abraded beyond the epidermis, obvious victims to whatever restraints had been holding her. Blood, both fresh and dried, coated practically every inch of her body.

Stepping carefully into the shower, she turned on the water and immersed herself in it, her face tilting up directly into the spray, her hand trembling as she kept turning the knob, adjusting the temperature hotter and hotter, until the room filled with steam and the handle refused to go any farther. The water around her feet forming a pinkish-red puddle as her blood ran freely. After several minutes and several convulsive shudders, she finally grabbed the shampoo bottle and poured a very generous amount onto the remnants of her hair, scrubbing roughly as she worked up a lather with her one good hand.

"Max?" "Sweetie?" "Boo?" Alec and OC tried unsuccessfully to get her attention several times, then looked to Retha, unsure as to how to proceed, as Max remained completely unresponsive, seeming almost comatose.

"Why won't she answer us?" Alec's voice was rough, filled with fear as he watched his mate meticulously washing herself, apparently oblivious to their presence.

Retha looked at him and sighed. "She's shell-shocked for one thing. Most likely in the beginning throes of PTSD, and no doubt trying to distance herself from what happened. Trying to revert back into soldier mode. It's a coping mechanism most of them seem to be using, some more successfully than others."

Sighing, she added, "Let me try something. It worked with Sara last week." Turning to Max, she cleared her throat and then harshly addressed her, "X5-452. Status report."

Blinking heavily, she slowly turned her head toward them, her face still a blank mask as she continued to harshly scrub her body. "Unit severely injured, ma'am. Initial self-assessment indicates a probable concussion, broken nose, dislocated left shoulder, broken left wrist, at least four broken ribs, strained throat ligatures, wrenched left knee and sprained right ankle. The skin on my back and both my wrists and ankles has sustained extensive deep tissue damage, and I received a wide variety of cuts, abrasions and bruises from the beatings inflicted upon me. In addition, I have three severe bite wounds with resulting loss of tissue, which appear to be infected."

After hoarsely stumbling through her list, she blinked again, appearing lost for a moment as she paused to take a breath, then continued in an even more subdued manner. "I was also assaulted… numerous times. I took the liberty of ceasing count as I felt the detailed information had lost all relevance ma'am. However, I will require stitches to repair some of the tearing and other damage I sustained in those areas."

She shuddered and took another fortifying breath. "But on a more positive note, my primary mission objective appears to have been completed successfully at this time."

Reeling emotionally from her dispassionate description of her injuries, and unsure of what exactly she meant by the last, Alec asked hesitantly, "What objective?"

Turning slightly to face him head on, her blank mask dropped as she peered hard at him through the mess that was her left eye, visibly startled as she finally recognized his presence, "494?" Looking wary, and slightly fearful as her whole body tensed up, she whispered, "I wasn't sure if you'd be here. If you'd stay…" Her voice trailed off as her lower lip trembled.

"Of course I'm here." He smiled as reassuringly as he could at her, unnerved by her use of his designation. "You're my mate. Where else would I be but by your side?"

Worried, she murmured, "Some of the others… their mates left them. Didn't want them after…"

"It'll never happen." He cut her off and shook his head decisively. "I'll never leave you. Not in a million years. So don't even think about it."

Her relief was palpable, the stiff tension written in every line of her battered body easing somewhat as she slowly nodded at him, appearing to accept his words with only a bit of hesitation.

Suddenly remembering his question, she rested her right hand on her abdomen, her voice firming up again as she let her training take over once more. "You asked about my primary objective?"

When he nodded, "It was to ensure the continuation of my pregnancy at any and all costs. And at this point, I believe the fetus is still currently viable." An almost proud look crossed her face for a moment, and then vanished just as quickly as she glanced over at Retha. "But I would like to undergo testing to confirm that status ASAP."

Retha nodded quickly, "I can do that. I've got the necessary supplies with me, since Alec warned me about it."

"Thank you, ma'am." 452 seemed satisfied with her response for a moment, and then frowned, looking nervous and unsure as she hesitantly directed her next comment toward 494, "Unfortunately, I'm unsure as to the success of my secondary objective."

"That being?"

"To protect the civilian from being raped."

Overwhelmed by the possibility of an ordinary being involved now too, Alec swore under his breath, "Shit. Who is she and what's her current status? I'll need to get somebody to try and find her. Ensure she's taken care of and try to provide some damage control."

"It's Max. And I'm not sure if that will be possible." Oblivious to the shocked looks now being directed her way, 452 looked confused, her right hand coming up to rub shakily at the dark bruises marring her forehead for almost a full minute. Finally she stated reluctantly, "I'm unable to determine her exact location and status at this time. She appears to be M.I.A."

_**Please see my livejournal account (info in my profile) for the continuation of this story as it is higher rated than FFN allows.** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

* * *

**Chapter 2 **

**Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Approximately 12:30 pm (five days previous)...**

Max awoke with a start, feeling slightly disoriented and panic-stricken for some strange reason. Carefully controlling her breathing and listening to her surroundings, she tried to determine if she was in any immediate danger. Unable to detect any presence close by other than her own though, she opened her eyes warily and then stared up at the gorgeous sunny blue sky above her.

"What the..." A puzzled frown creased her brow as she watched tiny wisps of cloud drift by far overhead, the image making no sense whatsoever when last she remembered, she'd been at home in her apartment with Joshua. "Where the hell am I?" she whispered.

Sitting up slowly, she glanced around her in confusion, feeling the crisp ocean breeze tugging playfully at her hair. The fine grains of warm sand beneath her shifting and sliding in between her toes and fingers as she lifted a handful of it up and let it sift back down to the beach. Rising to her feet and pulling her robe tighter around her, she turned around in a full circle, searching systematically for any sign of life. "Is anybody there? Joshua? Alec?" she called out a bit louder, her voice carrying out across the low-slung dunes, broken only by the cries of the seagulls diving and wheeling overhead.

She began walking down toward the shore, still looking around curiously as the place seemed somewhat familiar, and watching as the sunshine sparkled and danced along the waves for as far out as she could see, drawing a small contented smile to her lips. The gentle rushing sounds of the water all around her soothing her and helping to relieve some of her uneasiness. Giving a slight shriek as the bracingly cold water of the surf rushed up to tickle her toes, she spun around in a circle once more, then sucked in a breath as a distant memory finally twigged her to her location.

"I went swimming here as a kid, six months or so after the escape, when I was making my way to LA," she murmured to herself. "First time I ever saw the ocean up close." Looking around again at her very peaceful surroundings, she shook her head wonderingly then muttered, "But what the hell am I doing here now? And how did I even get here?" A bit too unsettled to stay put, she started walking back up the way she'd came, knowing now that the highway was only a short distance away and hopefully she'd find her Ninja along with it.

As she drew closer to the road, a strange fog-like mist crept in around the edges of her vision and obscured the pavement from view, throwing her slightly off-kilter as it blew in out of nowhere. Frowning, she slowed down and strained to see further ahead, as she thought she could see something moving. A tall and vaguely man-shaped shadow appearing briefly before dissipating back into the mist.

"Hello? Is someone there?" she called out, more insistently this time and even louder than before. Shivering and tensing up as the sky darkened rapidly and the wind grew cold around her, she wrapped her arms around herself; the thin silk chemise and matching mid-thigh robe she was wearing providing little in the way of protection from the elements. The cries of the seagulls becoming louder and more piercing, sounding more and more like screams as the mist suddenly swirled up around her and swallowed her whole.

Unnerved, she crouched defensively. Low, menacing laughter rang out from far off in the distance, seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once, filling her with dread as she spun around in circles, trying to take everything in. Unable to pinpoint exactly where the sound was coming from, only knowing instinctively that she wanted to be nowhere near it, she began to run, almost hyperventilating as sheer terror started to take hold.

And just as quickly as it had come, the mist evaporated, revealing a stark white hallway with tons of shadowy archways seeming to go on into infinity. "What the hell!" she gasped. Slowing to a stop, and more than a bit freaked out now, she turned around and stared at the similar row of arches stretching far out behind her, little wisps of the weird mist swirling gently around each opening.

"What _is_ this place and why am I here?" Carefully stretching a hand out to touch the nearest wall, she was slightly reassured when it stayed solid beneath her fingers. "Alright. Don't panic. You can figure this out if you just calm down. So just breathe Max." Striving to take her own advice, she leaned against the wall and bent to put her head down between her knees, taking slow easy breaths until she got herself under control.

Standing back up again and straightening her shoulders with determination, she took a few steps down the hall and eased closer to the nearest archway to try to see through it. When that got her nowhere, she tentatively put her hand out to probe the white mist. Biting back a scream as she felt herself being tugged forward by some unseen force, she forced herself to push through it until she emerged on the other side…

* * *

**Present – 2025Jan11 – Approximately 01:00 am**

A full minute or two of stunned silence passed, then "Max is M.I.A? How is that even possible?" Alec muttered hoarsely to the room at large, completely at a loss, his eyes wide and bewildered. His thoughts almost manic as they flew to his not-quite-sane dead twin and the all-too-disturbing possibility that his mate may have suffered some sort of similar mental break.

"I'm not sure, but we can try and figure that out later." Retha answered just as quietly. With a nod of her head, she directed their attention back to 452, who had zoned out again by this point and resumed scrubbing at her already clean and overly-abused body. "Right now, she needs our immediate care, regardless of who she thinks she is."

Speaking louder, she addressed her patient once more. "452, it's time to get out of there now so I can start treating your wounds."

"No!" 452 blurted out in instinctive protest and then, upon realizing what she'd done, cringed back against the side wall of the tub, looking absolutely terror-stricken at her small display of defiance.

**Flashback - ****2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 12:30 pm**

**(edited out as it is beyond FFN ratings - see my LJ)**

Giving a guttural moan of agony as she resurfaced, she jerked back even further and whispered pitifully in a naked appeal for mercy, "P-p-please not yet? Can't stand it... Feel so dirty..." A tear slipped down her cheek only to be followed swiftly by another and another as she broke down completely, the horrifying flashback much too vivid to handle now when she was supposed to be safe. Sliding down along the tiles, she collapsed in a heap under the spray, curling in on herself defensively and covering her head as she started to sob, rocking back and forth like a small child.

Alec's heart broke as a fresh wave of tears fell down his own cheeks. Wanting nothing more than to just crawl in there and comfort her, to curl up with her and bawl himself for that matter, he forced himself to stay put. Too afraid of how negatively she might react to him in this extremely fragile state, especially since she apparently wasn't even Max at the moment. He couldn't even be sure she considered him her mate.

His voice husky and filled with sorrow, he managed to murmur, "You take as much time in there as you need sweetie."

Seeing his dilemma and feeling it too, but figuring that of the three she had the best chance of being positively received, Cindy gingerly stepped forward, slowly easing closer in as non-threatening a manner as she could. "Boo? It's Original Cindy. I'm gonna come over there now. A'ight?" Trying to keep her voice as soothing as possible, despite the tears clogging her own throat, she continued to speak quietly to her as she approached, similar to how one would treat a wounded animal, which felt way too close to reality for her own peace of mind.

Not receiving any kind of response, she stepped cautiously into the tub behind her best friend, hovering over her as she tried to decide where it might actually be safe to touch her, without causing any more pain or possibly upsetting her even further. Reaching down, she ran her hand carefully over her rough shorn locks of hair, combing her fingers gently through them and stroking her head lightly. "Shhh boo. You're safe now, 'kay? It's gonna be a'ight. We're here for you suga' an' anything you need, we gonna make sure you get it."

Slowly easing down on to her knees when she wasn't shoved away or warned off, OC kept crooning softly to her, the tight knot in her chest easing somewhat as her friend gradually turned and leaned into her, burying her face in her shoulder and shaking uncontrollably as she continued to cry. "That's it boo. Just let Original Cindy take care of you. We're gonna get you through this. It's gonna be okay, you hear?"

"No!" With a low gasp of pain, 452 suddenly reared back from her as if struck and placed her hands low over her stomach, hunching over and wailing, "Not now. I'm not losing you, not after everything I had to go through." Face blanking over as she attempted to ward off this latest blow, she withdrew mentally; turning off every single thought and emotion in an attempt to relax her body enough to stop the cramps rippling through her abdomen. Her entire being focused on the baby she was carrying.

So focused in fact, that she didn't even notice or care when OC and Retha hauled her up out of the tub and wrapped her carefully in a towel. And when she remained hunched over and swayed unsteadily, unwilling to take even a single step, she was also oblivious to a white-faced Alec swooping in to carry her to her old bedroom, holding her gently and taking the opportunity to nuzzle his nose through her hair, taking in her scent and giving her his own while she was out of it enough to allow it.

When the cramps finally started to subside, offering her some degree of respite and hope, she returned to awareness only to find herself settling on her right side on a bed. Panicking when she felt strong male arms wrapped around her from behind, she started to struggle, a low whimper of distress escaping her lips involuntarily.

Alec instantly let go and rushed to pull back as the rank stench of fear swarmed his nostrils, murmuring swiftly and soothingly, "Shhh, sweetheart. It's just me. Just Alec - 494. Retha wanted to get you out of that tub and lying down as quickly as possible, so we couldn't wait for you to do it yourself. I carried you in here, that's all. So just relax baby. You're alright. It was just me," he repeated shakily and shoved a hand roughly back through his hair when she continued to try and drag herself away from him, his eyes haunted.

"Take a look 'round sugar. You're in your old room now and you're safe." OC joined in from her position on the bed in front of her, carefully taking hold of her right hand to avoid the raw flesh, and stroking the back of it in an attempt to reassure her. "Easy boo. Ain't nobody here gonna hurt you. Only people that love you."

Struggling to open her eyes to see for herself, 452 peered frantically around her and fought to catch her breath, eventually nodding after verifying the information and realizing how badly she'd overreacted. "Sorry," she whispered quietly, ducking her head down in shame.

Alec sighed sadly at the submissiveness she was showing, so unlike her normal fire. "You don't have anything to be sorry for sweetie. After what you've been through, it's only natural for you to react this way. I'm just sorry I scared you. That's the last thing I ever wanna do."

Retha hurried into the bedroom carrying her large bag of medical supplies, having heard the commotion from the other room. Setting it down by the foot of the bed and continuing to rifle through it, she started taking out some of the things she would need and handed one item off to Alec. "Could you do me a favor and fill this up with some ice? If we can take down some of the facial swelling so she can see better, it might help put her more at ease."

Looking over at Cindy, she added, "And could you maybe grab a blanket and sheet or two for her? Something you don't mind getting stained."

Only too glad to be able to do something useful at this point, they both rushed off to do her bidding, OC only having to go as far as the closet where some of Max's spare bedding and clothing had been stored for rainy day use.

Pulling out a portable ultrasound machine, Retha started setting it up and advised, "I figured we'd do a scan on you first to check on the baby, before I start patching you up. That way you can maybe relax a bit more, hmm?"

When 452 nodded in agreement obviously needing the reassurance, Retha asked her, "Do you think you might be able to manage to lie on your back for a few minutes while I scan you? It'll make it easier to capture a clear image..."

"Hold up, boo. Let Original Cindy put down somethin' softer for you to lie on if you're gonna do that. Don't know how clean that old mattress is neither." Moving quickly, she spread out a fitted flannel sheet behind her, leaving the rest of the fabric bunched up in the center along the edge of her body. Then she draped the matching flat over her lower half and removed the towel from her chest to put a warm blanket on in its stead.

Closing her eyes in shock when she inadvertently got a close up glimpse of two raw gaping bite wounds - one just above a nasty burn on her right nipple and the other on the side of her neck where she'd once proudly displayed Alec's mark to her - OC barely held back a sob and turned away to wipe the tears from her cheeks, struggling to pull herself together for her friend's sake. Fierce anger at the fiend that had defiled her making her shake and curse under her breath.

Taking in a deep breath in preparation for the painful move as she felt Retha slip a large sterile non-stick pad along her back, 452 braced her ribs and started to ease over once the sheet was behind her, barely holding in a hiss of agony; shutting her eyes and biting her lips to hold in any further cries or tears. Not quite sure which hurt worse at the moment, her broken ribs and wrist, or her raw back and ass. Breathing harshly through her nose, she mentally counted to nearly 60 before she finally felt herself settle fully on her back.

Under control once more, Cindy forced herself to walk back around to the far side and finish making the bed, carefully pulling the excess fabric out from under her boo. Her eyes lingering heavily on her pale swollen face and the deep wounds that would no doubt leave scars. Both emotional and physical.

Gradually opening her left eye as the pain eased off to a slightly more bearable level with her lack of movement, 452 discovered her mate hovering anxiously nearby with an ice pack in hand, his eyes watching her carefully for even a hint of distress. A sharp intake of breath her only perceptible response as their gazes locked on each other, wariness and uncertainty consuming them both. His nostrils flaring as he scented the air for additional cues.

Sensing the rising tension, Cindy and Retha glanced at each other and held their breath, collectively easing back to give them a moment of semi-privacy. Hoping against hope that the pair could manage to reconnect on some level.

Desperately needing a distraction from the pain and apprehension eating away at her, 452 focused in on his conspicuously disheveled appearance, only noticing it now for the first time. Staring curiously at the thick stubble coating his jaw and the tear stains and dark circles shadowing his bloodshot eyes, she let her gaze wander over him for over a minute, just absorbing his pervasive fear and concern and love for her. Nodding almost imperceptibly, she finally gave him permission to approach.

Alec bit his lower lip in consternation and stepped closer, his right hand shaking as he reached out and gingerly placed the pack over her right eye and forehead. Stroking his fingers ever so lightly over her hair and cupping the left side of her head in his palm, he cautiously crouched down beside the bed, his eyes wide and wild, looking as if he couldn't quite believe she'd allow it.

Slowly turning her face into his hand, she breathed in deeply through her nose, taking in his familiar comforting scent and letting it wash over her; her left eye involuntarily closing in response as she nuzzled closer, rubbing the essence of him into her skin. The tightly-wound ball of fear in the pit of her stomach unraveling ever so slightly, allowing her to breathe a tiny bit easier as she inhaled deeply once more. The intrinsic refrain of 'Mate, Love, Protection' given off by his scent imbuing her with a sense of security she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever now.

Sighing in welcome relief, she looked back up at him, mustering up a broken smile as her shimmery gaze played over his face again. "I'm really glad you're here," she finally croaked out, her right hand trembling as she reached up and tentatively covered his, consciously looking for reassurance. "Stay with me? Please?"

Startled, Alec's eyes widened even further as he registered the minute improvements in her scent and body language, and then he smiled tenderly at her and nodded. "Always, baby. I'll never wanna be anywhere else." Settling down more comfortably on his knees, he turned his hand under hers, allowing her to link their fingers together.

Retha cleared her throat quietly and approached them once she felt the moment had passed, sitting down on the bed beside her and resting the handheld unit in her lap. "Alright then. The ultrasound's calibrated and set, so let's have a look, shall we?" Reaching over and carefully adjusting the sheet and blanket to expose 452's amazingly only slightly bruised lower abdomen, she squirted some gel on it and swirled the transducer through it to help spread it around. Getting down to work, she started searching methodically.

Tensions rising again as a few minutes passed with no sign of life, Retha pressed deeper and tried again until the faint whooshing sound of an extremely rapid heartbeat suddenly filled the taut silence, causing everyone to sigh with relief and crowd in closer for a view of the small screen. OC coming back over to sit on the opposite side of the bed.

Retha muttered almost to herself, "There you are, you sneaky little sucker. Now is really _not_ the time to be playing escape and evade, you know. Everyone's worried enough here as is." Raising her voice a bit more, she looked at 452 and confirmed, "You are most definitely still pregnant."

Carefully checking the statistics displaying on screen, and watching the baby's movements, she finally announced with a slight frown, "The heart rate's a little fast for my liking, even for us. Most likely because this little one is reacting to your pain and stress levels. You can see from the jerky, occasionally frantic movements it's making, the baby's in a bit of distress. But as long as you can manage to calm down and stay relaxed, everything should hopefully be fine. You're going to need to take it as easy as you possibly can for a while though, as hard as we all know that's going to be."

Retha turned the monitor to give them both a better view, then asked, "Have you noticed any other cramping before this, 452?"

Grimacing as she thought about it, she finally shook her head uncertainly and murmured, "I can't really be sure. There was so much pain, that after a while I couldn't even tell _where_ it was coming from anymore. It was so overwhelming and all-consuming, I just shut down. Tried to block it all out."

Sniffling a bit and distracted by the image on the monitor, she tilted her head to get a better view, just watching the baby move. A heartfelt, "Thank God you're okay," slipping quietly and almost unconsciously past her lips.

Nodding understandingly, Retha braced herself and then mentioned as kindly as she could, "I know this is the absolutelast thing you're going to want right now, but I need to do a pelvic exam on you." When 452's face shuttered over immediately, she explained, "I'm really sorry, but it's better to do it now since you're already in a good position for it. I don't want you to have to move any more than you absolutely have to, what with the shape you're in currently."

Her voice coaxing now, she continued, "I promise I'll be as gentle and quick as I possibly can, but I have to check your cervix for any signs of tearing or bleeding that could signify danger for the baby, and try to repair any internal damage while I'm at it." Not wanting to proceed without her consent, she asked, "Is that alright with you 452?"

Gulping loudly, her fingers squeezing convulsively into Alec's loose grip, she closed her eyes and nodded tightly, her chest constricting with fresh anxiety.

Frowning as she saw how much she was tensing up again, seeming almost on the verge of hyperventilating, Retha turned off the ultrasound and set it aside, then pulled her bag closer and looked through it, coming back up with a syringe and a bottle of liquid. "Would you like me to give you a mild sedative first? Something to help you relax and ease some of the pain?"

Seeing her face cloud over in protest and accurately guessing why, Retha continued, "I specifically researched it and picked some up for you just in case it might be necessary, and I promise, it _won't_ hurt the baby. In fact, it should do him or her a world of good; help ease some of the distress it's feeling too."

452 bit at her lower lip as she thought about it, still a bit concerned; then looked over at her mate anxiously for his opinion.

"I think you should just go ahead and do it sweetie." Alec smiled encouragingly. "You need this. You _both_ do. All this stress certainly isn't doing either of you any good. But it's completely up to you. It's your body. Your decision. And I'll support you either way, no matter what you decide."

Extremely grateful just to be given a choice, 452 turned her head back toward Retha and slowly held out her arm with a small nod of agreement. "Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Author's Note**: Unless otherwise noted, during all of Max's memory cut scenes, her current thoughts/feelings/actions will appear in bold font. The actual memories will be in italics. Wherever possible, I've tried to group dialogue and such from the memory together in easily readable segments. However, most of her thoughts and monologues should be read as happening at the same time overtop of the memory segments (which would be happening in the background). Clear as mud? I hope not.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Approximately 1:00 pm…**

Max strode blindly through the mist, striving to remain calm, and suddenly found herself standing just inside the doorway of Alec's old TC apartment; the mist gone again like it had never been. Blinking rapidly, she did a double take when she saw herself pacing agitatedly in front of the slightly frosty living room windows, looking nervous as all hell. "What on earth…" Even more confused now, she backed up against the door behind her, leaning against it for support as she took in the scene. Her mind automatically filling in some of the extraneous details from her familiarity with both the location and the people present.

* * *

**2022Feb02 – 04:30 am**

_Alec groaned and stumbled wearily out of his bedroom in a hastily donned pair of grey sweats, scrubbing a hand over his face and scratching absently at his bare chest with the other as he made for the kitchen. Grabbing a bag of carefully hoarded coffee grounds from the freezer, he began brewing just enough for two cups, barely suppressing a yawn as he raised an eyebrow at her in irritation. "Alright, so exactly what the hell is so important that you had to bang on my door and drag me out of bed at…" glancing down at his watch, he frowned, "…4:30 in the frickin' morning to discuss it? Couldn't it wait a few more hours?"_

"_Umm… well… It's kind of important. And private." Continuing to pace for a minute or two, Max finally stopped and stared out his window into the dark, fumbling for words. "You see, it's like this... I... uhh... I have a bit of a problem..." _

_She faltered, not exactly sure how to ask for the huge favor she needed from him, no matter how friendly they'd gotten lately; common goals and common enemies bridging the remaining gap between them as nothing else could. Sighing loudly, she tried again. "There's something I... I need to ask you… and I…"_

_"Oh come on Max." Groaning again, Alec checked the pot and started pouring the coffee, "Just spit it out already. Please? I'd like to try and get at _least _another hour or so of sleep before we have to go in to HQ."_

_"Ugh!" Whirling around as she lost her nerve, his surly attitude a bit too much to take in the current state she was in, she made a beeline for the door, muttering wildly, "You know what? Never mind. I'm sorry I disturbed you. This was a crazy idea to begin with, so just forget I was ever here and go back to bed."_

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa." Hurriedly putting down the mugs he'd just filled, as he finally registered how huge this obviously was to her, he rushed over to the door to intercept her, stopping just in front of her and putting his hands on her upper arms. "Relax Max. I'm sorry I was so grumpy; I'm just tired is all. But come on over here and sit, and we'll talk. Alright?"_

**Recognizing the conversation from an incident that had occurred almost three years ago now, Max's brow furrowed as Alec calmed her doppelganger down enough to lead her over toward his couch, pausing to pick up their mugs of coffee along the way. Neither of them appearing to take any notice at all of her presence in the room.**

**"Am I dreaming?" she murmured to herself. The… dream?... memory?... having a somewhat surreal quality, almost as if she were viewing the events through someone else's eyes, with the unexpected bonus of a slightly more impartial viewpoint.**

_Handing her her mug and taking a quick drink from his own, Alec twisted around on the couch to face her, ducking his head down to try and catch her gaze; since she was studiously avoiding his eyes, much preferring to examine the cushion between them instead. "So what is it Max? What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything."_

_"I thought I could too, before I got here. But this?" Her face flushed red as she avoided his eyes again and took a sip of her coffee, then stared down into the mug like it held the secrets of the universe. "It's embarrassing Alec. And if I'd have been able to think of _any_ other options or solutions at all, I wouldn't even be here."_

_"Yeah. I kinda got that impression from the way you just tried to hightail it out of here, almost as if the hounds of hell were nipping at your heels or something. And I really didn't think I was _that _scary." Raising an eyebrow at her and grinning a bit, he tried to pull an answering smile from her lips. _

**As she tried to puzzle through her situation, she wondered aloud, "Somehow I don't think so. This feels too real to be a dream. And usually I can wake myself up easily enough, not to mention the fact that it's rare for me to sleep long enough to have a long convoluted one like this. So that's probably out." She frowned. "Of course, I suppose something bad could've happened to me. Hurt me enough to maybe knock me out or something? That might explain what's happening to me but…"**

**Her face paling slightly as she had another thought, she muttered, "Maybe I'm dead and just don't know it yet. That hallway could be some form of limbo or something…" Reaching out quickly to reassure herself, she felt her own arms and then touched the kitchen counter and some of the items on top of it.**

**She shook her head in confusion, "But I don't think that's it either. I still feel solid and so does everything else around me for that matter. And from what I've heard, I think ghosts are supposed to be able to walk through walls and weird shit like that."**

**"So that pretty much leaves me with the hurt/unconscious theory. Which means I'm probably stuck inside my head somewhere. But if that's true, how do I get back out? And what the hell happened to cause it in the first place?" Truly mystified, but not feeling particularly inclined to delve too deeply into it just yet, her instincts shying her away from tackling that potential bombshell, she decided to check out her surroundings a bit further instead.**

**Stepping away from the door, she moved over toward Alec's bedroom, slowly drawing closer to the couple and looking around her curiously. She paused to wave her hands in front of both of them, just for good measure, but still got no reaction even though she was only wearing lingerie. Peeking into his bedroom for a moment, she had to snicker when she noticed his clothes strewn out all over the floor. "Some things never change."**

_When that failed, he gave up and grew serious again, putting down his coffee and focusing his attention on her, "Look Max. I know we've had our share of differences over the time we've known each other."_

_"That's putting it mildly," she snorted and then took another drink._

_"But whatever else you may think?" He caught her gaze and held it. "I _am_ your friend _and_ your second, and you have to know that I will stick by you and have your back with whatever this is. Just like I've taken your side against the factions wrestling for control over TC. _Despite_ the fact that one of them is being led by my old CO, _and _the inordinate amount of pressure he's been putting on me to come over to the dark side and join him." He smirked slightly at the reference to the old sci-fi flick they'd watched several months back. Before the shit had really started to hit the fan._

**Her eyes naturally drawn back to her future mate, she watched him closely with fresh eyes, finding it all too easy now to make out the true affection and concern for her he held banked behind his eyes. Something that had completely escaped her notice when this had originally happened. "Of course, maybe I just wasn't willing to see it back then either, since I was still newly broken up with Logan at the time," she murmured to herself. "I wonder what else I've missed though..."**

_"So just tell me what the problem is already. Maybe I can think of something you haven't." His face as open and appealing as he could make it, he stared her down, waiting patiently. _

_Sighing heavily, she put down her cup and chewed on her bottom lip for minute, then said, "You've got to promise me you won't laugh. Or crack any stupid jokes about this either. 'Cause I will kick your ass for it."_

_With only a slight glint in his eyes, he pursed his lips for a moment, seeming to debate the merits of what he was about to do. Then crossing his fingers over his chest and holding them up in a boy scout salute, he vowed with a completely straight face, "I swear to God I will not laugh or crack any stupid jokes about this."_

"_Idiot." Rolling her eyes at his slight dig and shoving lightly at his shoulder, she couldn't help but grin, despite her best efforts. "Fine, be that way. But consider yourself warned." She pointed her finger at him in emphasis and then got back up, beginning to pace once more. "So here goes. My problem is..." deciding it was best to just spit it out, she finished in a rush, "I'm due to go into heat soon. Like really soon. Probably within the next day or two." _

_Alec's eyes widened noticeably, as that was the last thing he'd been expecting her to say. "O-kay."_

"_And, well, obviously the timing sucks," she huffed. "With all the infighting running rampant through TC over the past three months, I can't afford to do like I normally would and just go to Cindy's to lock myself away for a few days until the urge passes. Things would go to absolute shit around here. 'Cause sure as hell, _somebody _would try and take advantage of my absence. Even with you here holding the fort."_

"_No argument there." As precarious as their control was at the moment, it wouldn't be wise to give their opposition any further ammunition to use against her. He knew, only too well after all, the sly and positively snide backstabbing and posturing that would start up the moment she appeared to run off; quite a few of their people still viewing her as a traitor for deserting in '09. Not to mention for having an ordinary as a boyfriend, which had contributed greatly to her decision to finally break things off with Logan for good just over six weeks ago. Their long distance relationship slowly fizzling out anyway due to the virus and the huge demand running TC was placing on her. _

_Wheeling around and waving a hand toward his TV in emphasis, she muttered angrily, "And with the way my picture is still being plastered all over the news as one of the faces of the 'Transgenic Menace', it's pretty much impossible for me to go outside the gates anymore without getting recognized. So I certainly can't pick up some guy off the street to work this out with quickly either. It'd be too dangerous. I'd be liable to wind up getting lynched!"_

_His eyes darkening at the thought, Alec shook his head vehemently. "Yeah. That's definitely out."_

_Barely even sparing him a glance, she agreed, "I know! And hooking up with some random X here in TC? With all the power plays going on? That's a whole other recipe for disaster." She shook her head authoritatively as she stopped in her tracks and faced him. "I don't want to have deal with somebody thinking that they have some sort of claim on me, or feeling like they can start telling me and the rest of TC what to do all of a sudden, just because I slept with them once!"_

_Alec barely managed to nod, as he started to get an idea of where she was going with this and why she'd come to talk to him about it. Not quite daring to hope that she might _actually_ ask him. But sure enough…_

"_The only thing I can think of, to maybe manage to get through this with a minimum of fuss, is that…" Taking a deep breath and turning slightly away from him as her cheeks reddened again, she murmured hesitantly, "maybe… _you_ might consider helping me out through this." _

_When silence reigned and she felt him just staring at her, she gulped nervously and rushed to explain. "And I realize this could end up making things kind of weird between us, at least for a little while, but you _are_ my friend and I _do_ trust you. You're the only one I could think of, that I could actually consider doing this with. And you're certainly no stranger to one night stands, so you wouldn't be looking to make this into something it's not. It'd just be sex, pure and simple. A temporary 'friends with benefits' type dealio."_

**Max gasped as she saw the hurt in his eyes, almost immediately veiled from sight, and leaned back against the wall just outside his room, stunned as she realized how much she'd hurt him back then without even noticing or intending to.**

_"So you'd like _me_ to 'take care of you' during your heat," he euphemized cautiously._

_Nodding, and beginning to wonder what the hell she'd do if he said no, as seemed halfway likely now, Max swallowed what was left of her pride and acknowledged, "Yeah, I'd prefer it be you. If you wouldn't mind?"_

_Reaching out for his coffee, Alec raised it to his lips and took a large gulp as a stall tactic, needing a moment to get his thoughts in order. He couldn't help but stare at her though, beautifully flushed as her teeth worried at her lower lip. She wouldn't quite meet his gaze, her eyes instead glancing over his body and lingering slightly over his chest and shoulders. Fascinated by that little tidbit, he realized that really, with the way he was starting to feel about her? It wasn't that hard of a decision to make. _

"_Yeah." He nodded slowly, careful to keep his voice and expression neutral. "I think I could do that for you."_

"_Thanks." Feeling a bit awkward now and not quite sure of what else to say, she nodded gratefully and stood up, walking quickly toward the door. "I guess I'll let you get back to sleep then. See you later." _

**Sighing, Max looked around the room wistfully; figuring that she was probably due to get sent back to that pristine white hallway and wishing that she could have visited here one night later instead. It certainly would've been more interesting, not to mention a hell of a lot more fun. The memory of how incredibly he'd blown her mind that night, showing her beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly how much better sex could be with one of her own kind, still extremely gratifying to this day.**

**And when the mist almost immediately began to swirl up around her, as if on cue, she was more than prepared for it. But she barely even had time to move before it resolved itself and she found herself back in the exact same position. Only this time there was nobody on the couch...**

* * *

**2022Feb02 – 11:30 pm**

_Max sailed through his unlocked door, not even bothering to knock; too intent on being able to properly scratch her itch to worry about silly little things like social niceties. Striding determinedly through his darkened apartment she headed straight for his bedroom, hearing the slight hitch in his breathing as he sensed her presence._

_Alec sat up quickly from where he'd been starting to doze off, instantly on alert. His glowing green orbs roving over her as she approached his doorway, fixating on the perspiration beading her skin and the dark hungry stare she was damn near eating him up with as she crossed her arms over her body and pulled her shirt and tank top up over her head, tossing them aside without even a second glance. Her bare breasts swaying and gleaming in the moonlight as she strutted toward him, supremely confident in her own appeal. _

**Smiling to herself as she recognized the feverish glint in her eyes, Max turned to go into his bedroom too, excited that she was actually going to be able to watch them be together. The extremely active and healthy sex life they enjoyed never failing to get her engine revving.**

**She didn't quite get out of the doorway fast enough though and her double passed right through her; sudden red hot desire flaring up and burning brightly through her own body with the brief connection, taking her completely by surprise. Stumbling in the last few steps and steadying herself on the wall, she tried to catch her breath, but couldn't quite manage.**

_Gulping hard, his voice low and husky as he took in the magnificently uninhibited goddess before him, he murmured, "Guess you were right about your heat coming soon."_

_"Mmm." Standing at the foot of his bed now, Max licked her lips in anticipation as she eyed his half-naked form, much too preoccupied with the obvious tenting of the blanket at his waist to really be bothered with what he was saying; an utterly feminine smile of satisfaction settling on her face. Longing coursing through her at the thought of the sheer unadulterated pleasure she was about to experience, something she hadn't allowed herself to indulge in for far too long. The knowledge that she could afford to completely let go and just enjoy herself with him, without guilt or restraint or worry weighing her down, only enticing her more. _

_Alec understood after all, as only another transgenic could, the hunger firing up through her core. The hedonistic desire to touch and be touched, to taste and smell and just _feel _on a level that was near indescribable. An immense sensual and sexual appetite yearning to be fed. And fed well. The heady scents of testosterone and purely male X5 musk he was now dropping absolutely intoxicating to her; the answering rush of her own hormones and pheromones spiking through her and reawakening long-buried instincts and desires._

_Her hands sliding provocatively up over her body, she put on a show for him; decadently pausing to play with her own tits, loving the luscious weight of them filling her palms and the soft silky feel of her own heated skin. Stroking and tugging at her already erect nipples and tweaking them between her fingers, she gave Alec a wicked grin when he swore softy at her, his eyes glittering wildly with desire._

_"Damn sweetheart. Much as I love watching, think I'd prefer to take care of that for you. So why don't you finish undressing and come on over here." His huskily drawled suggestion slid over her senses like a physical touch._

_Nodding with a playful smirk and dropping her hands to the waistband of her pants, she pushed them down slowly over her hips, enjoying the feel of his heated gaze focused intently on her, and only her. Bending over and wiggling her hips as she tugged them all the way off with her footwear, she shivered when she heard a deep growl escape the back of his throat; the provocative little lacy red thong she was barely wearing the most likely instigator. _

_Max grinned seductively as she straightened back up, grabbing hold of his blanket and giving it a hard tug all the way toward her, baring him completely; then oozed onto his bed and started crawling her way up over him. Grazing her nipples along his thighs and stroking her fingers up over his tight abs, she pushed him back down onto the pillows, all too eager to get this party started..._

* * *

**Please go to my LJ account (see profile) for the rest of this chapter as it is rated above FFN's limits.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Author's Note**: Unless otherwise noted, during all of Max's memory cut scenes, her current thoughts/feelings/actions will appear in normal font. The actual memories will be italics. Wherever possible, I've tried to group dialogue and such from the memory together in easily readable segments. However, most of her thoughts and monologues should be read as happening at the same time overtop of the memory segments (which would be happening in the background). Clear as mud? I hope not.

**Author's Note: **I am neither a doctor nor a nurse, so please excuse any medical inaccuracies contained herein. I've researched as best I can with the time I have available...

* * *

**Chapter 4 **

**Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Approximately 4:00 pm…**

Max emerged out of the mist and into the long white corridor with a heavy sigh, feeling cold and lonely without the feel of Alec's arms wrapped around her. And wishing she could've just stayed where she was, where she'd felt safe and warm and loved.

She could still remember to this day how wonderful it had felt waking up in his arms early that next morning to lazy lingering kisses and gentle arousing caresses, his face burrowing into the crook of her neck as his hands had played over her body. He'd frozen for a moment when he'd realized she was awake, and then tried to downplay the significance of it all. Which had been more than fine with her, since she hadn't been ready or able to face how _right _the previous night had felt either.

He'd quickly claimed a need – a duty really - to make sure that her heat was _completely_ taken care of before letting her leave. 'After all,' he'd said with a hint of his usual snark, 'it'd be pretty embarrassing if you had a relapse in the middle of HQ, and you don't want _that_ happening now do you?' She'd snorted at the lame excuse, but hadn't been able to resist the playful and utterly sexy promise in his eyes, barely mustering a token display of protest as she'd let him persuade her to have sex one more time. Just to be safe of course.

And after, like an absolute idiot, she'd immediately insisted on returning things to status quo between them, throwing herself back into the demands of running their struggling little nation, and continuing to work with him strictly as per usual. Unwilling to run the risk of potentially screwing up their slowly developing working partnership and friendship with sex - at least until her next heat came knocking. She couldn't help but laugh as she recalled the look she'd put on his face that steamy afternoon nearly five months later.

His eyes had damn near bugged out of his head when he'd glanced up distractedly from his paperwork to find her slinking into his office looking all hot and bothered; one deceptively delicate hand caressing the taut caramel skin of her abdomen and dipping down to play beneath the waistband of her midrise denim shorts. Pausing for a second to lock the door behind her, she'd swiftly proceeded to straddle his lap and rub up against him as she nipped at his earlobe and murmured seductively, 'You maybe _up_ for helpin' a girl out again?'

He would've had to have been a saint to refuse her - something he'd never once claimed to be. And after christening his chair, one of the walls, _and_ his desk to her extreme satisfaction? Well, after that it'd become an unspoken agreement that she'd come see him for 'help' whenever that time of year rolled around. And it had worked for them. For the most part anyway.

Forcibly pulling herself away from those thoughts, as they certainly weren't getting her anywhere, she looked up and down the long empty hallway with another sigh, unsure of what to do next. "Should I just hang out here and hope to wake back up into the real world soon?" she wondered aloud as she continued walking along slowly. "Assuming I'm just unconscious that is. Or do I maybe need to wait to heal up from whatever injury might be causing this?"

Wrapping her arms around herself in an instinctive search for comfort as she considered all the angles, she absentmindedly began stroking the luxurious dark teal silk of the lingerie set Alec had given her for their one year 'anniversary' a few weeks back. "Is there maybe some other reason I'm here? Something important I'm missing that I need to see or remember before I can go home?"

She frowned, beginning to get more than a little frustrated with the whole situation. "Hell, I need to figure out how I wound up here in the first place, so I can tell what I'm actually dealing with here."

Leaning back against the nearest wall, she tried to remember exactly what she'd been doing before she woke up on that beach, carefully retracing her steps as best she could recall. "Alright, so I know Joshua was hanging out with me in our apartment because Alec... he had to go down to HQ to take care of a few things. And I was really excited about something… he'd promised to take me out somewhere nice tonight… to celebrate..."

"Oh my God! Our baby!" Gasping as she looked down at her still flat abdomen, and a bit shocked that she could have forgotten something so vitally important even considering her current circumstance, she dropped her hands down to rest there. Brushing her fingers gently over the new life growing within her, a soft smile lit up her face as she remembered how it had come about.

With the relative safety they'd finally managed to achieve, quite a few of their people had officially started pairing off and settling down over the past year and a half, which had naturally resulted in an ever-growing number of cute and cuddly little babies making their appearance as well. And after Alec had convinced her to mate with him, she'd been bitten by the baby bug too. The thought of finally having a proper family of her own that no one could take away from her, a wistful dream that had been lingering in the back of her mind for a long long time, never quite taking shape until now if only due to circumstance.

It had taken a little bit of coaxing on her part to talk Alec into it, as he hadn't been sure what kind of father he'd actually make, but he'd agreed to stop using condoms and let nature take its course. And once he'd done that, well he'd _certainly_ gotten on board with the creative process, insisting on 'practicing' at every available opportunity, loving the sensation of being joined with her with absolutely nothing separating them.

But with how busy they'd been and all the stress they'd been under the past month, she hadn't even realized she was overdue for her heat. At least not until yesterday, when it'd already been several days later than the longest cycle she'd ever had. It'd been an easy enough matter after that though to grab a test kit from the med ward using the pretext of needing to pick up their supply list, and perhaps a bit harder to drum up the courage to actually take the damn thing with how nervous she was. But she'd done it early that morning, sneaking off into the bathroom before Alec was properly awake.

Seeing those two pink lines on the test strip had absolutely floored her. She'd had to check the instructions and the results four times, with trembling hands, before she'd finally been able to believe the wonderful news.

Smiling, she traced that thought farther. She'd run out to tell Alec right away of course, damn near to vibrating out of her skin she was so keyed up. And the look on his face had been priceless. Sleepy bemusement had given way to pride and then a smirk of pure male cockiness that he'd managed to get her pregnant so soon. Followed almost immediately after by a beatific grin as he'd pulled her down on top of him and kissed her senseless.

It'd taken them a while to get out of bed what with the immediate 'celebration' he'd instigated, and then he'd ended up doting on her, asking her if she felt alright and offering to get things for her and help her to the bathroom. Even grabbing her heavier fluffy bathrobe and slippers for her to put on, so she wouldn't get cold. She'd finally had to roll her eyes and laugh at him, setting him straight and insisting a bit heatedly that she hadn't become a complete invalid just because he'd knocked her up. He'd thrown his head back and laughed at that, apologizing with a kiss and a smile.

Of course, it had kind of ruined the moment when she'd suddenly spun and raced toward the bathroom, only barely making it in time before losing the remains of her previous night's dinner. Shaky and pale when she'd finally finished heaving, and leaning heavily on him as he'd led her over to the bed, she'd decided to just stay home and rest for the day. Which had led to their having a minor spat, when Alec had insisted that he'd stay home with her too so they could relax together and celebrate some more; that work could wait one flippin' day. She'd kyboshed that idea right away of course, reminding him of the tasks they'd left unfinished from the day before. In particular, the supply run that needed to be organized for urgently needed baby and medical supplies. So they'd finally agreed to compromise on calling Joshua over to stay with her while he put in a half day. Neither of them quite able to forget that it was Monday.

Sighing as she came full circle back to where she'd left off, she focused in on every detail she could recall, step by step. "Okay. So I remember Joshua arriving. And Alec gave me a quick goodbye kiss before he left, after promising to be back as soon as he could. Made me promise too that I'd stay safe and stay put."

Thinking further, she slowly murmured to herself, "And then I sat down with Josh and we talked for a while. About a few of the new paintings he's working on, and about Shelly, because he was thinking about asking her out and wanted some advice." She grinned, recalling the blush on his face when he'd admitted he really really liked her, but wasn't sure how to approach her.

"And I was so tired I was fighting back yawns and having to apologize every few minutes. The pressure and constant vigilance I'd been operating under slowly but surely combining with everything else to wear me right down. I was sure he was gonna be insulted, but he just smiled, patted me on the shoulder and told me not to worry. Said he could smell the hormones that meant I was breeding. And that it was natural for me to be tired with the way my body was working making the baby."

She felt her cheeks heating up as she remembered how shocked and flustered she'd gotten. She hadn't quite been comfortable with the idea of announcing their happy news just yet. It'd felt wrong somehow to be publicly celebrating what with the widespread panic that was gaining momentum amongst their female population. And with damned good reason. She shuddered with dread, not particularly wanting to linger on the reason why. It was too upsetting and had been haunting her for weeks now anyway.

Forcing herself to carry on, she continued her train of thought, "Alright, so we talked a while longer, after I made him promise to keep the news to himself, and then I started feeling hungry. But there wasn't a hell of a lot in the apartment, since I'd been postponing picking up our rations until Alec or Josh could come with me. And I knew I should eat while I could, before one of the random bouts of queasiness I'd been dealing with came back again to bite me in the ass. But when I tried to get up and get dressed, I got so dizzy and lightheaded that I didn't want to risk making the trek over to the mess."

"So Josh offered to go grab us something." She smiled, remembering how solicitous he'd been, telling her to lie down on the couch and rest. "I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to go out, cause I didn't think I'd be able to maintain the high mental alertness it would've required. And it'd only take Josh a minute anyway to go grab something and come back. But just to be safe, I had him double-check the locks on all the doors and windows before he left. And I made sure I locked the door behind him."

"Then I went to go lie back down and... and then..." She frowned as everything went black. For the life of her she couldn't remember anything else after that until she'd woken up on that beach. Putting a hand up and rubbing at the sudden headache developing between her eyes, she tried to concentrate and push past the pain. But nothing was coming to her.

"So what could have possibly happened that I wouldn't have seen coming? That could've happened so quickly? Was there maybe a bomb?"

Thinking about it a moment, she slowly shook her head. "Not likely. It wouldn't have been trouble from the Government, not with the peace treaty in place. And after the big blowout we had when we killed White and sent the few remaining Cult members packing with their tails between their legs, the Familiars aren't likely candidates either. They're too busy running and watching their own backs now that they've been exposed. And it's not as if any of our local hate-mongerers are smart enough or stealthy enough to have smuggled a bomb this far inside our perimeter. Not without being noticed."

Her brow twisting, she sighed, "Maybe there was a gas leak or an explosion of some kind?" But that seemed pretty farfetched too, and she knew it. They'd spent quite a bit of time checking over all of their residential buildings and repairing any safety hazards before allowing anybody to move into them. And there hadn't been any new construction in their area for a while so...

"What does that leave me with then? What other danger or hazard could have hurt me enough to send me here? What could possibly be bad enough to have trapped me in my own mind? To force me to maybe escape this way?" And as the ugly realization struck her, she felt her breath freeze in her lungs, her legs slowly giving way beneath her as she slid down the wall to the floor.

"Oh god no... Please no... Not that... Anything but that," she whispered despairingly as all the blood drained from her face.

She didn't want to face it, felt like throwing up at the mere idea of that sick bastard getting his slimy hands on her and imposing that kind of complete and utter control over her. She couldn't imagine anything more horrifying or terrifying than being raped and violated like that. But the more she considered it, the more likely the possibility seemed. It was the only thing she could think of that made any kind of sense in terms of her current state of limbo. Especially since it was Monday.

"And how bad is it really," she muttered shakily, "that I'd rather accept the thought of a massive explosion injuring God knows how many of our people, than deal with the prospect of being taken by that asshole." Dropping her head down onto her knees with a fraught moan and wrapping her arms tightly around them, she forced herself to confront her fear, letting the events of the past month flow over her.

* * *

_It'd all started so quietly, so innocuously, that no one had even suspected what was happening at first. It'd been December 9__th__, just a typical wet and miserable wintery Monday, with quite a few people deciding to stay indoors to try and keep warm and avoid the partially frozen slush and snow clogging the streets... _

_Kaley, a feisty long-legged blonde X5 and chief of staff of their medical ward, had been the first to disappear. Her mate had noticed first, coming into HQ that afternoon and asking if anyone had seen her. They'd been supposed to meet for a late lunch after she finished dealing with a backlog of paperwork, but she hadn't shown up, and when he'd checked with the ward, none of them had seen her all day. They'd just assumed she'd decided to stay home what with the weather, since she hadn't really needed to come in. _

_After some gentle prodding, Rake had admitted that they'd had a bit of a blow out the night before, that he'd been jealous of some guys flirting with her lately, and that he'd proposed the lunch date idea to her as a last minute conciliatory gesture. So it was entirely possible she'd decided to blow him off and go somewhere private to stew and mull things over. And since it wasn't all that unusual for the more independently natured X5s to take off on their own every once in a while anyway, no one had been too overly concerned. At least not at first._

_But when night had fallen with absolutely no sign of her, Max had sent out word to their sentries and security patrols to keep their eyes peeled for her, concern growing for her missing colleague and friend. And in the morning, she'd ordered a full-scale search of TC and their surrounding area, to no result. With nothing more to go on, no sign of foul play or any clue as to where she might have gone, they'd been forced to wait and leave it at that, monitoring the news for any hint of related information. _

_It'd been late Friday, almost early Saturday, before she'd finally been spotted by a sentry. Max had been about to go home with Alec after debriefing one of their supply crews, when she'd gotten word that she was needed over at medical right away. The positively grim faces that had greeted them had been disturbing to say the least, and after being told that Kaley'd been kidnapped, tortured and raped, and finally going in to see her herself, well, she'd understood why._

_Alec had been waiting patiently for her when she'd emerged from the exam room with Retha almost two hours later looking extremely pale and visibly distraught, and she'd given him a terse "Let's go," before pulling him from the building. The horror of what she'd seen and heard, too much to deal with on her own, and certainly not in public. He'd followed her without protest no doubt sensing she was on the razor's edge of control, wrapping an arm protectively around her and just walking silently until they reached the sanctuary of their apartment. _

_Once inside though, he'd pulled her into his chest and simply held her as she began to shake and then sob; hot tears soaking through his t-shirt as she'd fisted her hands in it and pulled him even closer, needing the safety and comfort of his presence and his scent surrounding her. After she'd managed to calm down a bit, she'd haltingly begun to share the information he needed to know, with as much detail as she could bear to tell him, her voice strained as she clung to him for support. _

_He'd taken her to their bed then and just held her long into the night, listening to her and consoling her as best he could. Brushing away fresh tears when she'd confessed that Rake had apparently shown up when they'd first brought Kaley in and immediately snubbed her and walked away, unable or perhaps just unwilling to tolerate the undisputable proof of another man being with her even though it'd hadn't been by choice. It had absolutely devastated the already broken woman._

_Of course, they hadn't realized at that point what they were actually dealing with yet. Had hoped and prayed that perhaps it was just some random one-shot deal, or maybe someone with an intensely personal grudge against Kaley. But no. _

_No, it hadn't been anything near as simple as that. It'd only been the beginning of something far more sinister and sadistic. Deliberate and vindictive acts of physical and emotional violence obviously meant to intimidate and punish their women, and spread fear throughout their growing and blossoming little community. _

_They'd begun to figure that out the following Monday when they'd shown up for breakfast at the mess and found it in a state of barely contained chaos as Jess, their fiery tempered little head cook, hadn't shown up for work and was nowhere to be found. Rumors and speculation about the red-haired X6's whereabouts starting to fly fast and furious among the anxious crowd. And when she'd returned in a similar state 5 days later… the whisperings and mutterings of true fear had begun._

_Anna had become his third unfortunate victim; the buxom black-haired X5 beauty running their late night security detail with an iron fist, despite her otherwise soft heart. She hadn't made it home after her shift that fateful Sunday night and her mate, Kevin, had been beside himself with worry the entire time she was missing. So Max had dared to hope that he'd actually have the balls to stick by her, only to be sorely disappointed when Anna'd showed up outside the gates a few days after Christmas and he'd pulled the exact same shit as Rake had done. He'd muttered some crap about instincts and fucking infidelity before stalking off with a pissed off glare._

_And then it had been Sara's turn to run the gauntlet. She'd only stepped out of their underground weapons cache for a moment to go to the bathroom and had promptly disappeared off the face of the planet. A strong and sassy brunette with an infectious giggle and a real affinity for weapons, she ran the Armory together with her mate Kris. Perfect complements for each other, the X5's seemed to feed off each other's company, constantly joking around and finishing off each other's sentences. _

_Kris'd gone off the deep end at her disappearance. Alec having to step in with two other men to forcibly restrain him and talk him down after he'd loaded up for bear, threatening to track down and kill the 'motherfuckin' son of a bitch' that'd taken her, even though he had no idea who it was or where to start. And upon Sara's return a few days ago, she'd been stunned and immensely relieved when he'd basically glued himself to her side, refusing point blank to leave her. _

* * *

Max sighed and slowly lifted her head to stare blankly up at the ceiling, remembering how increasingly unsettled and afraid she'd become as the weeks had gone by. For she personally knew and worked fairly closely with each of the women, albeit to varying degrees depending on their area of expertise. Well on their way to becoming good friends, they often teased and joked with each other during committee meetings, and got together for the odd session of girl talk over coffee or drinks as well. But out of their unofficial circle of eight, only Dana, Brandy, and Greta remained untouched now.

And as their leader and the head woman in charge, she'd been the one that had had to debrief them all afterward. Had had to helplessly sit by and listen to them cry and sob as they'd struggled to describe the horrors done to them. And as their friend, she'd felt like an absolute failure trying to console them. For after the utter hell they'd been forced to endure, how on earth could she make _anything_ better for them? What could _she _possibly say or do to make a difference?

And seeing them so torn apart, so _fragile _and so _broken_, when each of them had been so strong-willed, so vibrant and full of life? It had scared her to death. Because she'd known, even if she hadn't wanted to admit it, that she likely had a huge ass target painted on her own back. It was fairly obvious after all, from the victims he'd chosen so far, that the asswipe had a huge hard on for women in roles of authority. And who else had more authority around here than her?

So even with how independent and confident she normally was, she'd instinctively started sticking closer to Alec and Joshua, something they'd both noticed and openly encouraged. And she'd absolutely refused to go anywhere alone, or to ever be alone with any other man, unsure as to exactly whom she could trust. Not even the men on their executive committee were above suspicion, which was starting to wear heavily on them all. For it was hard to say who was behind the chilling series of rapes.

The bastard was taking extreme pains to disguise himself from his victims, always wearing a full head mask to cover his hair and shadow his eyes, and using some sort of synthesizer to alter his voice, while black leather gloves kept his hands protected and safely hidden away too. And he'd even gone so far as to constantly change the color of his pubic hair to avoid giving away his true hair color.

But clearly he was transgenic, either X5 or X6, simply due to his size and speed and the strength he exhibited. And obviously very clever too, as he'd been running circles around everyone trying to figure out who he was, seemingly with minimal effort. They'd pretty much ruled out the possibility of him being mated, as it seemed highly unlikely that he'd be able to fool someone that close to him, or that any woman would willingly go along with the heinous acts he was committing. But even if they excluded those, it still left them with nearly 100 single male suspects to weed through.

They had over a dozen people working strictly on finding him now: compiling lists of alibis, known hangouts, biographies and full histories, and tracking movements as much as possible during each of the disappearances. But it was painstakingly detailed work and slow going at best. And unless they caught some sort of a break, and soon, she was beginning to think they might not catch him at all. It was hard to say after all, exactly how many targets he had in mind, or whether he might stop or leave TC altogether, choosing to wreak havoc somewhere else instead.

Running a trembling hand back through her hair, Max closed her eyes as she reflected on one of the main things preying on her now. And that was Alec. What his reaction would be to this, if she had in fact been taken, she could only guess. But it wasn't likely to be good. In fact, the odds were stacked rather high that he'd abandon her too, since that's what had happened with two of the three couples so far. She wasn't sure yet exactly why Kris had stayed with Sara. Whether it'd been instinct related or just a matter of choice. Or perhaps their love or level of commitment had been stronger than most.

In any event, she couldn't stand the thought of losing Alec. Not now. Not after everything they'd been through together and how much she'd come to rely on his staunch unwavering presence beside her. He'd become her rock over the years, standing beside her through thick and thin. Fierce, devoted and loving. And if he didn't or couldn't stick by her through this? "God, I don't think I can face it on my own. Not this. Not if it's true," she murmured sadly, her eyes haunted.

"And what about the baby?" Sliding her legs out in front of her and looking back down at her abdomen, she barely held back tears as she realized she'd probably lose it too. The amount of damage sure to be done to her, quite likely enough to trigger a miscarriage. "What'll I have left then? If I lose Alec, and I lose the baby, what then?"

* * *

**Present – 2025Jan11 – Approximately 01:30 am...**

Retha placed a final strip of tape over the IV she'd decided to administer as a precaution, mainly due to her patient's pregnancy. With that securely in place, she reached over and grabbed the syringe and sedative she'd taken out earlier, beginning to draw a large dose.

"Don't suppose there's any chance you could just knock me out for a while?" 452 asked wistfully, then chewed at her lower lip self-consciously at the fear exposed in her voice. Her breath shuddering raggedly in her chest as she tried to control it and not aggravate her ribs.

"Not safely, no. At least not for the baby." Retha sighed and stroked her right arm gently in an attempt to soothe her, then injected about a quarter of the dose directly into the IV port along her bicep, wanting to get it working right away. "I really wish I could though. I can only imagine how agonizing this must be for you."

They'd had the distinct misfortune of spending a fair bit of time together over the past several weeks, as a direct result of their dealings with the other victims, and it had drawn them closer. Each relying on the other to help navigate through the emotional minefield they'd been thrust into. But Ma-452 was now firmly entrenched on the wrong side of the fence, making it a real struggle for Retha to hold her own emotions in check as she assessed her.

Now that some of the initial shock was wearing off, 452's behavior was starting to become more and more erratic, seesawing back and forth between her original trained soldier-style repression and full-on emotional train wreck. Broody and withdrawn one moment as she attempted to deny everything and shove it all aside, only to collapse and give way to an anxious and tearful mess as the harsh reality of her situation began to sink in and drag her down with it.

She was currently channeling the latter as her arm fairly trembled in Retha's hands. Her pulse fluttering madly in her throat in time with the rapid-fire beating of her heart, which was more than audible to both Retha's _and_ Alec's enhanced hearing, given the worried look playing out across his features as he watched his mate's fretful movements. With that and the viability of the pregnancy weighing on her mind, she'd already prepped a bag of tryptophan and piggybacked it onto the saline drip. Because while the tremors were most likely being caused by nerves and stress, the last thing she needed was to suffer a seizure on top of everything else.

Standing up calmly and keeping her movements fluid as she leaned in over the bed, Retha checked and adjusted the flow of the bags hanging from a nail in the wall, then injected the rest of the sedative in to mix and gradually release with the saline. Mentally calculating its probable effectiveness given their metabolisms and the level of stress 452 was under; she decided to give her at least 15 minutes before even attempting to broach the internal exam again. Her voice low and soothing, she suggested, "Why don't you shut your eyes for a few minutes and try to relax, hmm? Give yourself and the baby a break. You're safe now, and we're all here looking out for you. Nothing bad's gonna happen if you tune out for a little while."

Seeming to consider the idea as she gazed around the room warily and then focused in on her mate hovering protectively beside her, 452 finally nodded slightly with another shuddering breath and slowly closed her left eye, her body still wired taut as a bowstring.

Eyeing her ashen features once more with a frown and estimating how much blood she'd probably lost over the past week, Retha glanced over at Alec and caught his eye, asking quietly, "How are _you_ doing right now?"

"Alright." Puzzled and a bit annoyed by the question, since there were so many other much more pressing concerns on his mind, he asked a bit shortly, even as he matched her volume out of deference to his mate, "Why?"

"Just trying to determine if you're in good enough shape to transfuse her since she could more than likely use a pint or two. But frankly, you look like shit."

Cindy nodded in reluctant agreement, "Boy ain't slept or ate at all the past five days. Admitted it hisself earlier."

"Yeah I figured as much." Retha sighed as she laid the used syringe aside on the bedside table to dispose of later.

Already starting to push up his left sleeve, he frowned at them both and insisted just as quietly, "Just do it. I'm fine."

"Un huh. Sure you are." Retha arched an eyebrow at him, letting him know she wasn't buying it. "Who have you got on watch outside? Any women who could come in and give her a bit?"

"No!" 452 looked absolutely stricken as she interrupted, her gaze suddenly wide and pleading as she choked out, "Please? I... I really don't want anyone else to see me. Not right now. Not like this." She shook her head frantically and sniffled, tears swimming in her open eye.

Regretfully ruling out that option, Retha nodded and leaned down to rub her arm again, unwilling to push her when she was so transparently fragile. "Alright. Whatever you say. Just, try to calm down, okay?"

"I could do it..." Cindy started to offer, her eyes dark with her own concern.

Retha smiled at her, "Thanks, but unfortunately I have no way of making sure your blood is compatible. And I'm not willing to take that kind of risk since this isn't exactly an emergency situation. Plus - no offence - but she'd be much better off getting a boost of pure transgenic blood anyway, what with all the potent antibodies and such we've got going for us."

She turned her gaze back toward Alec, slowly shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the determined set to his jaw, "Fine. You win. There's a bottle of juice in the side pocket of my bag. If you promise to drink that down and eat something, I'll let you. But if you pass out, it's on your own head," she warned, pointing a finger at him.

Nodding before she'd even finished talking; he got up quickly and took off for the kitchen, coming back not even a minute later with a slightly overripe banana, a box of crackers, and one of the dining chairs to sit in.

Still shaking her head, she walked back around to the other side of the bed and dug out the bottle for him, then started setting them both up for the transfusion as he opened the crackers and juice and started munching obediently. She had to smile though when he peeled open the banana and offered it to his mate first, coaxing her into taking a few small bites and giving her sips of the juice as well.

Bending down and retrieving the ultrasound machine from its case on the floor once she was done, she placed it beside her on the bed. "Tell you what. Since you said you've probably got a few broken bones, how about I clean you up a bit and check on those first, make sure they're set properly while we give that sedative some more time to kick into gear?"

"Sounds good." 452 nodded gratefully at the small and oh-so-welcome reprieve. Beyond weary now and overwhelmed by the unrelenting pain and trauma of the past five days, she closed her eye again and tried to just breathe. Focusing on drawing air in and out of her lungs as evenly as she could, she soaked in her mate's scent and consciously attempted to relax for the baby's sake. Wanting and needing nothing more at this moment than for this to all be over with already.

And while she was peripherally aware of all the concerned glances being directed her way, she couldn't summon up enough energy or will to even attempt to dispel them anymore. For while she may have received all the training in the world as a kid to endure and never quit, to push through pretty much any pain or injury she might receive? Even transgenics had their limits and she was running on fumes now. It had taken damn near everything she had, all the enhanced stamina and almost every single shred of adrenaline and panic-fuelled energy, just to make it here to the relative safety of her old apartment after coming to in that dumpster, aching, naked and alone. Thrown away like so much garbage.

Retha rifled through her bag again and dug out some more supplies and two deep plastic trays. Turning to Cindy with a soft smile, she offered her one, "Could you please do me a favor and fill this up halfway with hot water, and maybe bring back a few towels too?"

Turning back to her patient and eyeing all the cuts, gouges, and raw abrasions enveloping her forearms, palms and fingertips, she quickly and efficiently set about cleaning those non-volatile areas first, irrigating them thoroughly and applying antiseptic and sterile dressings. Then she turned the ultrasound back on to check her upper body for fractures, finally announcing quietly, "You've actually only got 3 cracked ribs that I can see, at least in front. The others are probably just badly bruised. But you are right about your left wrist. You've got a clean break of your radius about 2 inches up that I'm going to have to splint. Luckily it hasn't started to set on its own yet, so I won't have to dislodge it to reduce it."

Not even bothering to open her eye, 452 gave a slow, barely discernible nod of her head in acknowledgement. Her breathing much steadier, almost meditational now with the edge eased off of her panic; a good indication that the sedative was beginning to work its magic.

Carefully maneuvering the bone in her forearm into the correct position and double-checking it with the ultrasound once more, Retha directed, "Cindy, can you help hold her arm in place for me while I get this stuff ready?"

When she leaned across her friend and gently took over, Retha opened up a prepackaged splint and set it in the tray of hot water to prepare it, soaking it and then squeezing it out in one of the towels to help remove all the excess water. Placing one end of the long strip of material up against the inside of 452's bandaged wrist and palm, she wound it all the way around the back of her elbow and along the outside length to the middle of the back of her hand, then started molding it to conform to the shape of her arm, stretching out the edges of the padded material over the fiberglass to help offer some protection as it gradually hardened. Reaching out and grabbing an elastic tensor bandage, she proceeded to wrap the arm all the way up from her palm to her elbow to immobilize it.

Glancing quickly at her watch and then at Alec, she reached over and closed the clamp to end the transfusion. When he started to protest, she waved him off authoritatively and removed the needle from his arm, pressing a small wad of cotton over the site and applying pressure. "No. You're starting to get pale and you've already given her enough to help tide her over until her system can rejuvenate itself." Giving him a significant look, she added a bit more quietly, "Plus I'm pretty sure she'll feel a hell of a lot more secure with you actually awake by her side rather than on the verge of passing out." When he nodded and lowered his head a bit sheepishly as he took over the pressure on his arm, she lifted the tube to allow the rest of the blood to flow into 452, then removed her needle as well.

Peeling the soiled gloves from her hands and tossing them into the nearby garbage can along with all the used packaging and supplies, she grabbed a clean pair and donned them. The loud snap of the latex swiftly regaining her patient's undivided and wary attention. Smiling gently in apology, Retha calmly met her strained gaze and asked solicitously, "So, would you prefer to have everyone else step out now to give us some privacy for your exam or do you think you'd feel more comfortable with them staying put?"

Flushing bright red as she thought about it and the hellish amount of damage done below her waist, 452 sighed miserably, weighing the mortification she would feel at having them see her like that against the relief and comfort of not being left to face this all alone. But it wasn't much of a contest with how vulnerable she was feeling. Swallowing hard as she realized that her mate likely already had a pretty good idea of the condition she was in anyway, the idea of having him stay really didn't seem like that big a deal. Especially since he was still standing by her of his own accord.

But Cindy on the other hand…

Turning her head toward her best friend, her expression sad and heavy with pain and humiliation, she tried to warn her, explaining tentatively, "I... It's… pretty nasty OC... I'm a real mess... down there. So I'm not sure if you wanna stick around... but I wouldn't mind… if you feel up to staying with me?"

Not even hesitating, she held her gaze and nodded reassuringly, reaching out to gently take her right hand. "Don't you worry. If you want Original Cindy wit'cha boo, then that's where I'ma gonna be. No doubt."

"How 'bout me?" Alec asked quietly after a moment, not wanting to presume too much and potentially alienate her.

"From..." 452's voice broke, and she had to clear her throat before continuing, "From what I understand... you've probably already seen..." Her voice trailed off and became decidedly bitter as she managed to choke out, "_He_ told me he was sending you my 'greatest hits'..."

Glancing over at him and seeing the certain grim knowledge in his expression, dashing one of her few remaining hopes, she closed her eye, her face falling as a fresh wave of shame and humiliation crashed over her. A few tears leaking out to trickle helplessly down her burning cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to bite back the sob rising in her throat to accompany them; feeling so unspeakably raw and out of her element, that she had absolutely no idea how to even _begin_ to handle any of it anymore.

"Hey, shhh," Alec said gently as he carefully brushed her tears away, his heart turning over in his chest at her obvious distress. "You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of sweetheart. You didn't ask for what happened to you. This is _all_ on him and has absolutely no reflection on you. None of this is your fault."

Unable to deal, the genuine compassion and tenderness in his voice only making it worse and threatening to tear her completely apart, she pulled back inside herself as much as she possibly could, trying desperately to make herself go numb again. Wishing more than anything that she could somehow make it all go away and just _forget_, even if only for a little while. Just long enough to maybe give her a chance to try and piece herself back together again. But without a tangible or credible threat to fend against, she couldn't quite seem to manage anymore. The sedative unfortunately serving to lower her natural defences as well.

Sighing as she remained fairly closed off and unresponsive despite her continued tears, Alec explained sadly, "And I can see that you're really upset that I looked at that shit, and I am _so_ sorry I invaded your privacy like that, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to see that you were still alive. Not knowing how you were was killing me. And I was desperate to try and find some sort of clue, anything that might help me identify him or where he was holding you."

He watched apprehensively as she took a couple of shaky breaths and then nodded tightly, whether in agreement with his reasoning or simply a desire to get this horrendous ordeal over with he couldn't tell, but she finally opened her eye and looked over at Retha. "You can go ahead. We're good here."

* * *

**Continued on my Live Journal (see profile)...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Author's Note**: Unless otherwise noted, during all of Max's memory cut scenes, her current thoughts/feelings/actions will appear in bold font. The actual memories will be italics. Wherever possible, I've tried to group dialogue and such from the memory together in easily readable segments. However, most of her thoughts and monologues should be read as happening at the same time overtop of the memory segments (which would be happening in the background). Clear as mud? I hope not.

* * *

**Chapter 5 **

**Day 1 – 2025Jan06 – Monday - Approximately 6:00 pm...**

"Okay, that's about enough," Max finally mumbled to herself. "You can't just sit here forever." Heaving a sigh of disgust as she realized she _had_ just spent the better part of two hours sitting there crying and feeling sorry for herself as she worked through everything, she raised her head and wiped away the tears still lingering on her cheeks, determined to get up off her ass and actually do something productive.

"Hell, you don't even know for sure yet that you were taken. There's no proof. So get your head in the game and get on with it. That's the only way you're ever gonna find any answers." Pushing herself back up to her feet, she bit down hard on her bottom lip, the slight pain helping clear her head. While she had no real way of knowing exactly what time it was, she could make an educated guess based on her body's internal clock. And judging by the hunger gnawing at her belly and the amount of time she could semi-account for, it had to be drawing close to evening. "Definitely not a dream then, no matter how much I might wish it was..." she muttered.

"Alright, so which way should I go?" She looked around and sighed again, all the arches looking exactly the same, with no hint whatsoever as to what memory they might lead to. "It seems to be completely random. After all, I went from that beach back when I was 9, to Alec's apartment over 12 years later, all in the space of maybe 25 feet. So obviously they aren't sorted chronologically." She frowned, puzzled. "But if they're not, then how the hell am I supposed to decide which ones to explore? There are so many…" Her voice trailed off in dismay, the span of her life to date branching out around her in an endless array of possibilities.

"So just pick one already," she groaned to herself impatiently, "and see where you end up. What other choice do you really have?" Walking stoically forward, she chose one at random, taking a deep bracing breath before crossing the threshold and entering the mist; emerging into her TC office seconds later…

* * *

**2022Aug08 – Monday - Early Evening**

_Alec sighed heavily as Max stalked past him once more. "Will you _please_ sit down and try to relax? Pacing like this isn't doing anybody any good, and I already told you I'll sneak out to Logan's myself tonight once it gets dark enough. Try and figure out where he's taken off to."_

_Eyeing her as she nodded distractedly as if in agreement but persisted in pacing, he continued, "You know he's bound to have gone into hiding after being exposed as Eyes Only. Especially with all the pro-transgenic broadcasts he's insisted on doing despite the heavy protests. Odds are he just hasn't had a chance to call you yet to let you know what's what."_

**Max moaned in anguish as she recognized the memory straight away, for it was one that still haunted her nightmares from time to time. "Please no. I don't wanna have to see this. Not again." Closing her eyes, she tried to will herself away, back to the white hallway or _any _other memory, hoping she could maybe jump to something else like she had with her heat. But when she reopened her eyes, nothing had changed.**

_"Yeah, I know," Max paused for a moment as she thought about it, then resumed her restless circuit of the cramped room with a slight groan. "And you're probably right. It's just... he's never disappeared like this without telling me before Alec. Not for 3 days. And I've even been in touch with Asha and she hasn't heard from him either." She frowned, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth. "I don't like it. I can't help but feel like something bad must've happened to him."_

_"And I get that, I do, but still… You have _got _to calm down before someone else sees you like this. It'll completely ruin the new image we've been trying to cultivate for you." Pushing himself up off her lumpy old couch, he stood up in front of her and took hold of her upper arms, pulling her in closer and bracing her supportingly. "Look, I've got Luke searching all available channels for us on the QT, and Logan hasn't been picked up by the military, the sector police, or the Familiars yet from what he's been able to tell. So don't borrow trouble. He'll turn up eventually. It just may not be as soon as you'd like." _

_Hearing a crisp knock, Max sighed and took a small step back from him, mentally preparing herself for potentially hostile company as she turned her head toward the door. Her "come in" sounding at least relatively normal, for which Alec was extremely grateful._

_Bran, a tall and supremely self-assured X5 male, opened the door and strode inside with a thinly-veiled aura of authority, followed closely by Trev, his black-haired blue-eyed and extremely power-hungry second in command. The latter eyeballing their closeness with a cockily raised brow before asking with a hint of disdain, "Sorry, are we interrupting something?"_

_"Yes actually." Alec contemplated his former superiors for a moment, then smiled with a hint of snark, "But I suppose we can spare a minute or two for you guys." Stepping casually away from Max, he deliberately leaned against her desk between her and the men and adopted his own commanding air; a mostly subconscious attempt to hold the ringleaders of their strongest opposing faction at bay. _

_Max glanced back and forth between them and mentally rolled her eyes at the displays of testosterone, before choosing to address Alec's old CO, the least arrogant of the pair. "What is it Bran?" _

_After a very slight pause, Bran nodded curtly at her and stated, "There's a disturbance going on outside the main gate that I thought you might like to be made aware of. An unusually large mob of protesters has formed and it appears as if they're getting ready to lynch somebody. I've already got some of my guys up on the rooftops keeping an eye on the situation, since the military can't seem to be bothered to do anything about it."_

"_Shit. Tell me it's not one of our own?" Max immediately turned to face him full on, her expression filled with dread._

"_No. It's definitely not a transgenic." He eyed her appraisingly for a moment, then continued reservedly, "but it does appear to be someone known to us. The words 'Tranny Lover' are carved into his chest."_

_Max closed her eyes momentarily, the bottom dropping out of her stomach as a wave of nausea swept over her. Something inside her already knowing who it was going to be, and from Alec's sudden stillness beside her, she figured he did too, but she forced herself to nod and ask politely, "Who is it?"_

"_It's your condescending little cripple of an ordinary," Trev sneered as he butted in, pure delight shining from his eyes, "bout fucking time too if you as-"_

_Alec pushed forward off the desk, about to lay into him, when Bran beat him to it._

"_There's no call for that Trev. Not with the situation being what it is." He gave his subordinate a hard pointed glare. "I may not approve of the man either, but he's going to die unless there's a miracle of some kind, and his last few days certainly haven't been pleasant either from the looks of him."_

_Max's face drained of color, her tone quiet and deadly serious as she asked, "What do you mean?" _

_Bran sighed as he ran a hand back through his dirty-blond hair, visibly struggling as he seemed to be trying to decide how much detail to give her. "Look, I'm sorry, but he's been beat up all to hell alright." Grimacing, he murmured, "They've stripped him naked, and from the look of some of the wounds…" He trailed off and shook his head disgustedly, looking ill, and finally just stated, "Well, let's just say he looks to be in really rough shape both mentally and physically, and he's not likely to last the night from the mood of that crowd." _

_Max turned to Alec, her grip on her composure tenuous now at best, and tried to keep her voice even as she murmured huskily, "We'd better get over there. Check it out." He nodded grimly, already on the same page._

_Bran shook his head though. "No, look, why don't you let me handle this for you. I really don't think you're gonna wanna see him like this. And there's not really all that much we can do in any event. Not with the size of that lynch mob. I just thought you should know what's going on, that's all."_

_Max shook her head determinedly, "No, it's best if we go down there and see for ourselves."_

_"Thanks for the offer though." Alec stared curiously at his old CO for a moment, a bit surprised by his attempt at consideration, but appreciative all the same. Then he focused his attention back on Max and took up a protective stance beside her as she moved toward the door._

**Max didn't move a muscle to follow, not wanting any part of experiencing this again, but not appearing to have much say in the matter either. The scenery blending and shifting around her automatically until she found herself on top of the highest building beside the main gates. Looking down reluctantly, she was struck anew by the sheer size of the crowd gathered below around the huge bonfire of burning Xs.**

_She walked toward the highest vantage point by the main gates as if on autopilot, not particularly noticing anything around her as she tried to pull herself together for the horror she knew she was probably about to face. Knowing that if she fell apart now, over an ordinary and in front of Bran and his crew no less, it would have dire consequences for her and Alec's leadership. Searching desperately within herself for the soldier she used to be, she felt a sudden surge of strength and calm flow through her. Everything around her fading slightly into the background, as if she were walking through a haze, aware and yet comfortably numb at the same time. _

_Suddenly finding herself up on top of the building as if by magic, Max blinked and slowly moved over toward the edge, barely feeling it as Alec took her right hand discretely and squeezed it, his body bracing supportively against hers from shoulder to hip as they both looked down. _

_A soft gasp escaped her involuntarily when she finally spotted Logan in the midst of the chaos below. His body mangled, and being held up solely by the strength of the brutes surrounding him. Crude insults and obscene taunts, both against Eyes Only and them, being slung through the air in raucous chants and shouts. And she could do little more than stare as she took it all in, thoroughly appalled by the depravity on display. _

_Logan was covered in blood from all the nasty slurs cut into his flesh, and bruises painted his skin a sickening hue. It looked as if someone had taken a baseball bat to him as his chest was partially caved in and his right arm appeared broken in at least two places. His eyes wide and panicky, filled with pain as he gazed around at the vengeful mob, searching desperately for any sign of help or sympathy and finding none. _

_She could see that the thick rope wrapped around his neck had already scraped his skin raw as it was tugged roughly down to one side drawing a fresh trail of blood. And his legs. _Oh God! What they'd done to his legs!_ They were shattered, broken in so many places she couldn't even begin to count them. And she railed internally at the unfairness of it all. _Why? Why do this to him when he could barely even use them properly anymore! When his only crime was trying to help others!

**Max fought to breathe, dread rising up to choke her, temporarily ripping away her ability to function rationally. She knew that this was only a memory, that her actions would have no effect on the already predetermined results, but a scream was torn from her throat nonetheless, loud and long and aching. A vain attempt to warn herself, to try to stop the tragedy that was coming. But it did no good. No one paid her any heed despite her continued cries and pleas.**

_Squeezing Alec's hand tightly and sucking in a shaky breath, she drew upon the reserve of cool strength steadily building within her, barely managing to restrain the scream of pure rage and anguish threatening to rip free from her throat. For it was obvious, just looking at the sheer numbers in the crowd and the ever watchful and malevolent stares of the army guarding the perimeter fence, that there was no way in hell she could hope to save him. Not without extreme bloodshed, and that's _if_ they could make their way through to him in time. Let alone if she could even convince any of the others to try to help her and Alec._

_She was about to turn and try anyway, even though she knew it'd be no use, when the matter was taken out of her hands. What happens next, so sudden and so horrific, that it's hard to even grasp as the images flash through her brain, like snapshots frozen in time. _

_The crowd jeering and gesturing angrily…_

_Someone tossing the end of the rope overtop of a light stanchion…_

_Logan's body being hauled up and over into the flames of the bonfire... _

_His bloodcurdling scream of terror and agony tearing through her, leaving her raw and bleeding inside… _

_Her hand moving swiftly, almost of its own accord, as if some other force were suddenly controlling it…_

_Releasing Alec's hand and reaching behind him…_

_Pulling his ever present Glock from the small of his back…_

_His own hand reaching for it just a millisecond too late..._

_Her hand aiming and firing through the smoke and the flames…_

_The single shot hitting Logan squarely between the eyes... _

_His screams dying instantly as his body slumped in death... _

_The retort of the gun echoing loudly over and over again in her ears... _

_The crowd's roars of approval turning to rabid shouts of rage as they slowly realize what's happened... _

_When time finally resumes its normal flow, she can feel the gun warm and heavy in her outstretched hand, and she stares blankly at it when she's finally able to tear her eyes away from Logan's corpse hanging below. The stench of his burning flesh rising up and tainting the air. Stunned and sickened as she realizes what she's somehow done, she feels Alec reach out and gently take the gun from her hand, putting the safety back on and storing it back in the waistband of his pants. His huskily whispered words of condolence and support lost in the clamor inside her head._

_Relying solely now on that blessed core of steely strength, she turns around and faces the silent and shocked transgenics watching her. Meeting Bran's gaze with a spectacularly blank Manticore stare, she orders crisply, "Stay here and monitor the crowd until they disperse. I'll either be in my office or my apartment if anyone needs me." _

_For a moment, there's a flare of something in his blue eyes, and she can't quite place it, can't deal with it right now in any event whatever it is, so she ignores it and heads for the stairs, desperate to find a quiet secluded space somewhere to crawl off into and lick her wounds. To try to figure out what the hell just happened and how. _

_And as she walks away in a daze, with Alec following closely behind her, she hears Trev mutter in what sounds like disgust and disappointment, "Shit, I really didn't think she had that in her." _

_Bran answering back with a decidedly strange undertone, "No. Neither did I."_

* * *

Max wiped the remaining tears from her face, struggling to breathe as she forced herself back under control. Staring curiously at Trev and Bran even as they disappeared into the rising mist, she realized that she'd forgotten all about the weird look and comments they'd given as she'd left. Which really wasn't all that surprising she guessed, given how upset she'd been. Especially since her nightmares had always left her screaming awake the instant Logan died, never taking her far enough to remind her.

Bran's look had contained so much though in only a fraction of an instant, that it was hard to categorize it all, even now. The hint of anger at being commanded by her was understandable given their state of contention and competition. And his disdain obvious and even expected since he had still considered her a traitor back then. But there'd been something else in his gaze too, something almost... malicious, hinting at a greater fury and frustration that she couldn't quite explain or put her finger on.

As for their comments, well, she supposed they were understandable too. They'd both been so eager after all to see her fail, that they'd probably been hoping to see her completely fall apart that day. To prove once and for all that she didn't deserve the position and assume command of TC themselves. And she really couldn't blame them for being surprised by her reaction, as she still didn't understand how she'd done that and stayed so calm about it afterward. Even though it had ended up earning her a great deal of respect on all fronts.

Looking back, as she slowly walked through the mist and back into the hallway, she realized she probably could've handled that moment a bit better, but she'd barely been holding herself together as it was. She'd needed to get out of the public eye before she broke down completely. Which she'd proceeded to do spectacularly once Alec had finally gotten her alone in her apartment that night.

And he'd tried, oh how he'd tried to comfort her as she'd railed and bawled in his arms. Apologized profusely for not beating her to it. And told her over and over again that she'd done a good thing. That she'd been merciful and saved Logan from any further pain and suffering. That she wasn't a murderer.

But it had been so hard to take. Especially since to this day, she still couldn't remember actually pulling that trigger herself. It seemed as if it were something that had happened to somebody else. Or like something out of a dream. Like someone else had taken control of her body for a moment and done it for her. And she hadn't been sure if that made her feel worse or better. The guilty feeling that it hadn't actually been her decision, that she hadn't consciously made that choice to spare him, making it that much harder to accept.

She'd donned a protective mask after that night, for quite a long time too, pulling back inside herself and devoting herself strictly to her work and TC. Unwilling to expose herself to that kind of potential pain again. Not laughing, not smiling. Just existing. Until Alec finally managed to drag her back out of her shell.

Max continued walking down the hall, preoccupied with her own thoughts. That one day, while remaining etched horrifically in her memory, also becoming an integral turning point for her and the transgenic cause.

Everyone had started treating her differently. At first, it'd been a grudging respect from her fellow transgenics, which had gradually grown and expanded to others as time had gone by. Especially when one of the media outlets had dared to broadcast the unedited footage they'd shot from that day, showing the positively rabid human crowd deliberately and heartlessly attempting to kill Eyes Only by burning him alive.

It'd been a real eye opener however, when other angles had revealed her up on the rooftop with her people, in obvious distress before she'd pulled the trigger to end his suffering. The disclosure by an 'anonymous' source at _New World Weekly_, of her prior relationship with Logan, only highlighting and amplifying the emotional drama of the story. The mercy killing, along with other gradually leaked details about their lives at Manticore, sparking intense national debates over multiple forums that had dragged on for over a year before eventually turning and surging in their favor. Only a diehard hate-filled minority left trying to dispute the fact that perhaps they'd misjudged the transgenics. That perhaps some of them might have souls after all.

And while she'd been grateful, relieved even to finally be given a fair shot by everyone at improving their lot in life, it had come at such a bitter price and been so hard-won that she'd felt defeated in any event. And it'd shown, almost instantly after Logan's death, at least to those that knew her best.

OC had reluctantly understood, when she'd called her the day after and explained that she needed to distance herself for a while. If only for Original Cindy's own safety. The thought of her potentially being picked up as 'transgenic friendly' and dealt with in a similar fashion, scaring Max to death and waking her up in cold sweats for months to come.

While Alec on the other hand... Max shook her head wryly and couldn't help but smile at the thought of him. He could certainly be an obstinate bastard when he set his mind to it. And boy had he ever.

He'd let her be at first, after making sure that she knew he was there for her if she needed to talk or anything, recognizing how difficult a time she would have in dealing with Logan's death. But after three months, where she'd remained withdrawn and pretty much monosyllabic, refusing to participate in anything other than work, work, and more work; he'd begun a targeted campaign to break down her walls. Taunting and baiting and arguing with her, mainly in private; but absolutely refusing to back down in the face of her continued and willful indifference.

And it had only gotten worse when she'd gone into heat a few weeks later. She'd screwed up royally. Even she could admit that now, but at the time it hadn't felt like she'd had much other choice. The urge to go to him that evening, even though he'd been pestering her relentlessly for days on end, had been so strong it'd been damn near undeniable. And it'd scared her to death. She hadn't wanted to need him that badly. Could _not_ accept it. Especially when she'd still felt so guilty over Logan's death. And add in the fact that she knew he'd make her feel so good that she'd basically forget her own name as well as everything else on the face of the planet? Well, she hadn't felt like she deserved that kind of reprieve. Had felt like she deserved to be punished, not rewarded.

So, stubborn to the end, she'd decided to just go out and grab one of her fellow Xs to sate herself with instead. But she hadn't counted on being grabbed herself and dragged into a back alley by an extremely ardent and overzealous Trev. His blue eyes blazing wildly as he'd caught her scent. And she'd been so messed up, had wanted Alec so desperately by that point, that she hadn't really cared anymore who was taking her edge off if it couldn't be him. Just wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, so she could shut down again and go back to being semi-numb.

Luckily for her though, Alec had been out looking for her and had tracked her down. Her heat pheromones pulling him in as strongly as they were pulling her to him. She'd never seen Alec that pissed before. He'd come blurring toward them positively snarling. Snarling! And had yanked a half-naked Trev from between her freshly bared thighs, throwing him across the alley and into a neighboring building, against which he'd swiftly proceeded to beat the ever-living shit out of him; growling "Mine" as he'd punched him repeatedly in the head and chest, not even noticing the blows he'd taken in return he'd been so livid. He'd only stopped when she'd latched on to him and torn him away, giving in to her instincts and affirming, "Yours."

Neither of them had completely understood it yet back then, but with each successive heat they'd shared, they'd strengthened the bond they'd inadvertently created during that first heat together. While not formally mating per se, the intermingling of their pheromones and his rough bites to her neck each time - even though they hadn't broken skin - had still been evocative enough to create a draw between them. And he'd become increasingly protective and possessive of her as a result while his claim remained unsubstantiated.

When she'd finally been able to call him on his behavior - much _much_ later, after he'd taken her back to his place and fucked her absolutely senseless all night long, making her beg him over and over again for release until they'd both collapsed, utterly sated and exhausted - he'd looked stunned and confused for a moment, before snarking lightly at her that it was probably a byproduct of their animal heritage. A throwback to their instinctive desire to protect and care for a mate. Even though they hadn't been that. Not then anyway.

She'd freaked out at the mere suggestion. Had stomped off in a huff and avoided him like the plague, refusing to speak to him about anything other than business for over a month and a half. But he still hadn't let up though. No. He'd kept at her and kept at her for an additional three months until she'd finally snapped and completely lost her shit on him. The final straw coming when he'd dragged her over to their makeshift gym for a late-night sparring session, taking all sorts of cheap potshots at her and insisting she was so out of shape that even an ordinary could wipe the floor with her.

* * *

**2023Apr19 - Wednesday - Approximately 00:30 am...**

_Glaring at him, she screamed, "Just fuck the hell off and leave me alone already!" _

_Pleased as punch to finally get such a strong reaction out of her, Alec threw his head back and laughed - honest to God laughed! - before snorting in her face and daring, "Why don't you try to make me, sweetheart."_

_She was sure fire must've been shooting out of her eyes she was so mad, her face flushing with outrage at his mocking endearment so reminiscent of her heats, and then she tore into him, determined to give him what he'd been asking for for months now. Finally having had more than enough. The fight long and hard, as she threw everything she had at him and more. But he just blocked her, over and over again, restraining himself to strictly defensive moves. Which only made her madder. _

_"Argh!" She huffed in extreme agitation, blowing her breath out and tossing her hair back out of her sweaty face. "You were the one that wanted to do this so badly. So fight me goddamnit!"_

_Alec shook his head lightly and smirked as he ducked to avoid her next punch, barely even appearing winded. "Nah. You obviously need to get this out of your system, but I really don't want to hurt you."_

_Totally exasperated, she complained, "Then what the fuck are you doing? Why can't you just leave me be?"_

"_Because you need to wake up."_

"_I _am_ awake!" She insisted heatedly, kicking out at his legs._

_He arched his eyebrows at her in sheer disbelief as he sidestepped her. "Oh really! Well, then how the hell do you explain your last heat. Hmmm?" He held his index finger and thumb up a hair-breadth apart as he leaned back into her. "You came this damn close to being fucked into the side of that building by Trev! If I hadn't have found you when I did, you would've been screwed. Literally as well as figuratively! As is, you damn near caused a huge blowout with Bran's group, cause Trev sure as hell didn't take kindly to me beating the crap out of him to stop him."_

_"I was in heat, you moron." She rolled her eyes with a huff, as if that explained everything. _

_"That doesn't excuse your behavior Max and you know it. Sure heat lowers your defenses, but it doesn't completely destroy them. There's no way in _hell _you should've allowed that to happen, and certainly not with Trev of all people. Not when you _knew_ you already had a safe outlet."_

_"I didn't!" She shouted._

_"What?" Alec stared at her incredulous. "You sure as hell did! ME!" He shouted right back at her._

_"NO! You weren't safe." she blurted out, before she could help herself._

_He frowned, his whole face twisting in confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about?"_

_"I..." Not wanting to explain how vulnerable she'd felt at the thought of approaching him, how afraid she'd been of letting him in and taking the risk of losing him too, she swung at him instead while he was distracted, damn near taking his head off as it slammed to one side, blood spraying out around him. _

_Licking at his split lip and spitting the excess blood to the floor as he turned his head back to face her, Alec raised an eyebrow and smirked. "You're gonna need to try a hell of a lot harder than that it you want to stop me Max. So just explain it to me. Make me understand. Why wasn't I safe?"_

_Max groaned and glared at him, "You just weren't, okay!"_

"_Un un. Not good enough." He shook his head determinedly. "You knew I'd take really good care of you. That I was more than willing to help you."_

_"Yeah, and that was the problem."_

_"What?" His face screwed up even more. _

_"Look, it doesn't matter why, okay? Just forget about it and move on already. Leave me alone." Snapping her fist back, she took after him again, determined to make him back off for good, but no matter how many times she hit him or shoved him away, he just kept coming back for more._

_They danced and spun around the sparring mats for at least 10 more minutes, and she could see the frustration finally starting to well up in him too at her continued avoidance. And it left her lips unbidden, "Why don't you just go ahead and hit me already! I deserve it!"_

_His eyebrows raised, almost to his hairline, and she could see the realization strike him as he finally started to put the pieces together. "No. No you don't Max."_

_She swung wildly at him and missed; she was so desperate to push him away. Couldn't take his caring and understanding right now. "Yes I do! Logan's dead because of me. It's all my fault."_

_His eyes sad, he reaffirmed, "No it isn't Max. Not by a long shot. You only put him out of his misery. It was that fucking ignorant mob that was responsible for his death."_

_"Yeah, you've told me that a million times, Alec. But it doesn't change the fact that he'd still be alive if he'd never met me. Never got involved or fell in love with me." A tear slipped down her cheek and she swiped it away angrily. "Everybody that I love or care about dies or gets hurt or leaves me somehow. No matter what I do to try to stop it."_

_"Hell, we've been here almost two years now, and not ONE of my siblings has shown up in all that time. They have to know I'm here, with my name and face having made the rounds on all the news wires, so why haven't they come? Huh! 'Cause I only see three options: either they've been captured, are dead, or they just don't give a shit enough about me to come looking anymore. Have realized I'm too dangerous and given me up as a lost cause." _

_Starting to really get wound up now, she snarled, "And no wonder really! I mean, why would they want to have anything more to do with me? Just look at what I did to Ben, my own brother. I killed him! Snapped his neck with my own two hands." _

_Alec shook his head, refusing to let her take the fall on that one. "You only did that to stop him from killing anybody else, and to save him from a fate far worse than death back at Manticore."_

_But she was determined, insisting, "Oh yeah? Well what about Tinga? She got killed simply because Renfro was looking to find my special fucking no-junk DNA. And she left behind a grieving husband and a little boy that never really got a chance to know his mother."_

"_Max!" His voice was sharp now as he tried to get through to her. "You are no more responsible for what Renfro or Manticore chose to do, than you are for what anybody else in the world chooses to do." _

_But it was like she didn't hear him, as she kept on going, "Zack sacrificed himself for me! Shot himself and gave me his heart just so that I could live. And what did I do with it? How did I repay him? I ended up electrocuting him and sending him off to live on some godforsaken ranch with no memory of himself. Turned my back on him simply to protect Logan."_

"_He loved you Max, as more than just a sister. And I know you didn't want to see that, but he did. He would've done anything to protect-" _

_She rode right over him, not wanting to hear any more of his excuses, "And what about Logan? I shot him Alec, and I don't even remember pulling that fucking trigger!"_

_Alec growled, "You were in shock Max! The man you loved was suffering horrifically and you reacted instinctively to the crisis and immediacy of the situation, just like we were all trained to. There's nothing wrong with that." Determined to make her see, he grabbed onto her upper arms and forced her to pay attention to him. Giving her a little shake with each sentence he spoke._

_"Did you do it to hurt him? No."_

_"Did you want to see him dead? No!"_

_Letting go of one arm, he grasped her chin and made her look up at him. "No matter what you did or didn't do that night, the fact still remains that he was gonna be dead by the hands of that crowd one way or another. And that's on them." He stared into her eyes, willing her to believe him. "Even the media agrees that what you did was merciful Max. And what does that tell you? Huh? Do you honestly think they would've said that if it weren't true? If they didn't believe it?"_

_She shook her head slightly, her eyes wet with the tears she was trying desperately not to shed._

_"You opened everyone's eyes that day. Made them all finally start taking us seriously. Made them realize that maybe we weren't animals; that we cared and had souls and deserved to live." He sighed and gentled his tone. "And even though it took his death to do it, I think Logan could've lived with that. I think it would've made him think it was worth it in the end."_

_"But..." Her voice broke and she had to try again. "But he didn't deserve it Alec. He didn't deserve to die like that."_

_"No, you're right. He didn't. He was an amazing guy. Decent and honest and giving. Dedicated to doing what he thought was right. And he loved you with all his heart." He sighed. "But do you honestly think he'd be happy seeing you like this? Do you think this would be what he'd want for you? To see you living some sort of half-life, never truly happy? To see you spend the rest of your life feeling guilty, wretched and alone?"_

_"No." Her face crumpled as she realized he was speaking the truth. Tears finally starting to slip down her cheeks._

_"That's right." He reached up and gently brushed them away with his thumbs, still staring directly into her eyes. "Logan would've wanted you to be happy Max. For you to fall in love again and have a family. To laugh and smile and just be. And you're only tarnishing his memory and making light of his sacrifice by closing yourself off like this."_

_Max nodded and closed her eyes, finally daring to admit the truth., even if it was only in a whisper, "But I'm so scared Alec. Scared to let anyone back in again. I've lost damn near everybody I've ever cared about. The only ones I really have left are OC, Josh and you. What if I lost you guys too? I couldn't stand it. It'd kill me. That's why..." she broke off, her heart racing at the thought of actually telling him._

_"That's why what?" He murmured tenderly._

_"That's one of the main reasons why I didn't come to you this last heat. I was scared to let you get that close to me again. When I'm with you like that, it feels so damn good Alec. You make me forget about everything else. And I don't know what to do with that. I knew I didn't deserve to feel that way." _

_"You're wrong about that Maxie. You do deserve it. It's not a crime to let yourself be happy. To enjoy yourself every once in a while." He stepped in closer when she slowly started to collapse, pulling her into his warm embrace. Holding her tight when she buried her head in his shoulder and began to sob. Her tears falling freely, as she let all the emotions she'd kept buried for the past eight months slowly seep out. All her grief and fear and loneliness pouring out with her tears. "It's alright Max. Just let it all out. I've got you."_

_After a long while, once she'd finally cried herself out and calmed down, he pulled his head back to look down at her, wiping the last of the tears from her face. He was instantly captivated by her soft chocolate eyes, shimmering up at him with such thinly-veiled hope and faith. Unable to resist, he leaned in slowly, giving her plenty of time to pull away if she chose. Gently taking her mouth in a kiss and brushing his lips softly against hers, he let it build between them at its own pace._

_She gasped into his mouth, blown away by how beautiful and right it felt to be kissing him. His lips feeling like they belonged on hers, his tongue slowly teasing along her lower lip until she granted him access. Their breath mingling, tongues slowly coming together, dancing and merging with one another in something so precious and intimate it was almost sublime. _

_But suddenly it seemed like too much. Like it was wrong with her grief for Logan still so fresh in her mind. She backed away from him like a skittish mare, her eyes huge as she shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry. I can't do this right now. I'm not ready. Not yet." _

_Seeing that she wasn't saying no to the possibility of him outright, Alec nodded and smiled, his eyes lingering tenderly on her face. "I can give you as much time as you need to deal with this. But fair warning Max? I'm not gonna let you retreat from me like that again. And I'm not going anywhere either, so you'd better get used to having me around."_

* * *

Max smiled at the memory, feeling a bit of much-needed optimism creep back into her soul. Her heart picking up a bit and feeling infinitely lighter with his reaffirmed commitment resounding in her head. The hope that maybe he wouldn't leave her after all, making everything seem a bit easier to take.

Shrugging her shoulders as she came back to herself and looked around her at her surroundings once more, she picked another arch at random and headed through it.


	6. Interlude - T is for Trust

**Interlude - T is for Trust  
**

**2024Nov16 - Saturday - 'Date' Night - 8:04 pm...**

"Hey! Sorry I'm late."

Alec grinned as he heard Max breeze in, only a few minutes late for their weekly 'date' night that they took turns planning. Their sole regulated break from the demands of leadership, it was a commitment they'd made to one another shortly after they'd started dating; a testament to their desire for quality uninterrupted personal time together.

"Hey yourself, babe." Walking quickly out of their bedroom, he caught up with her as she was kicking off her boots and hanging up her leather jacket, coming up behind her and waiting patiently until she was done before wrapping his arms snuggly around her waist. He pressed a kiss into the junction of her neck right over his mating mark, then whispered huskily in her ear, "So, are you ready for me?" His breath puffing out over the lobe and making her shiver.

Max smiled and relaxed back into his embrace, enjoying the welcoming heat radiating out from his bare chest. "Hmmm. I suppose that all depends," she teased, her eyes sparkling as she glanced over her shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "What did you have in mind for tonight?"

Pulling a plush red velvet blindfold and matching set of hand ties from the back pocket of his jeans with a flourish, he dangled them enticingly in front of her and murmured, "Figured we'd stay in and enjoy some long-overdue playtime, if you're up for it."

Turning in his arms, she stretched up to wrap her arms around his neck and gave him a much more enthusiastic and intimate kiss, before breathing out huskily, "Well, in that case..." Rubbing her body suggestively against his, she confirmed what he'd already suspected would be the case, "I'm all yours. Feel free to have your wicked way with me."

Alec chuckled throatily, "I was hoping you'd say that." Making sure not to catch her hair, he took a minute to fasten the blindfold securely around her eyes, carefully adjusting it until he was sure her vision was completely obscured. Then, stepping back from her, he took her hand and led her carefully into the bedroom, positioning her in front of their bed. He couldn't help but smirk with anticipation as he eyed the items he'd lined up for their enjoyment.

Reaching out to her, he caressed her cheek softly, his eyes following her movements as she moved to kiss his palm and then rubbed into his hand, just like the cat she partly was. A low purr of approval emanating from her throat when she felt his fingers trail down over her neck, lingering at the buttons of her black shirt and undoing each one slowly but surely until it finally gaped open, revealing red lacy fabric and a tantalizing amount of flesh for his perusal.

He couldn't help but groan appreciatively at the sight of the scandalously skimpy push-up bra that showcased rather than concealed her breasts; her nipples peeking out over top the extremely low-cut lace. "This is new," he rumbled, as he moved her shirt aside to improve his view and grazed his fingers along the edges of the lace.

"Mmmhmm." She murmured huskily in agreement. "Saw it when OC and I went out last week and figured you might like it."

"Oh, I definitely approve. Might have to leave it on in fact." Moving on reluctantly for now and brushing his fingers lightly over the skin of her abdomen, he grinned at the goosebumps rising in his wake, before grasping the edges of her shirt and easing it off her completely, tossing it vaguely toward their laundry hamper. Leaning into her, but keeping the rest of his body from touching hers, he dragged his lips ever so lightly along her collarbone and then kissed a leisurely path down over her breast bone.

Max shivered each time his warm lips touched her, little gasps of air telegraphing her uninhibited reaction to him. Reaching out blindly for him, she found his hair and combed her fingers through it, loving the feel of the silken strands under her fingertips. A little moan escaping her when he suddenly diverted to one side and licked at a nipple through the edge of the lace, sucking at it and teasing it with his teeth. Her fingers clenching in his hair and holding him to her.

But he didn't linger, much to her dismay, too intent on stripping her down so they could really start enjoying themselves. Pulling the soft ties back out of his pocket now that her shirt was out of the way, he stepped around behind her and gently took her wrists, binding them carefully together. Loose enough that she'd be able to get free if she tried hard enough, but more than sufficient to hold her as his willing captive without hurting her.

Coming back around and crouching before her, Alec released the button on her cargo pants and slid the zip down, easing the material down over her hips. His fingers stilling and clenching at her thighs as he took in the matching lace g-string she was wearing, the fabric so sheer as to be almost nonexistent. The two little bows barely holding it in place over her hipbones an extreme tease; the heady scent of her unmistakable arousal even more so. "You really are tryin' to kill me here, aren't you," he groaned, unable to resist the temptation to lean in and press a hot lingering kiss overtop each bow. "How the hell do you expect me to have any kind of staying power tonight with you wearing somethin' this hot?"

"It's all part of my evil plan to seduce you, baby." Max smiled sexily and licked her lips, unable to contain the mischievous giggle bubbling up as she imagined the tortured expression he must surely be sporting based on the slight whining note in his voice. "But I'm sure you'll find a way to persevere somehow. You almost always do." Her tone slightly mocking and filled with mirth despite the supposedly supportive words.

Glancing up at her with a wicked glint in his eyes, he decided to tease her right back. "Think you'd better watch yourself there, sweetheart," he warned, "you are kinda at my mercy at the moment."

**...**

**Continued over at my LJ (see profile) as it is rated much higher than FFN allows. Listed as T is for Trust.**


	7. Chapter 6

Just as a quick side note: I figured I'd point out, in case it hasn't been obvious, that Max is actually revisiting all of 452's memories of events, not her own. That is why she is noticing and realizing different things as they occur. But now... on to Chapter 6.

**LOST IN A MOMENT**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Author's Note**: Unless otherwise noted, during all of Max's memory cut scenes, her current thoughts/feelings/actions will appear in normal font. The actual memories will be italics. Wherever possible, I've tried to group dialogue and such from the memory together in easily readable segments. However, most of her thoughts and monologues should be read as happening at the same time overtop of the memory segments (which would be happening in the background). Clear as mud? I hope not.

**Mood Music:** I highly recommend Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson for the memory segment that occurs later on in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Day 2 - 2025Jan07 - Tuesday - Approximately 01:30 am...**

Max stood in the hallway, silently debating the merits of continuing on or stopping to rest for a while, as she could feel it was getting quite late. The memories she'd visited over the past five or six hours thankfully not taking a heavy toll on her at all. Most of them exceedingly pleasant in fact.

There'd been the survival training session she'd been on with her siblings back when she was about 8, which had actually ended up being a blast, despite being orchestrated by Manticore. They'd been tagged, transported and left isolated in a very rugged and remote wilderness setting for seven days in the middle of winter. Equipped with only the clothing on their backs and a knife each, they'd been given absolutely no food or water and left to fend for themselves.

But they'd been together, with an almost unheard of lack of supervision, so it'd actually seemed more like a vacation than anything else. She and her siblings had laughed and explored as they'd hunted for small game and foraged for edible barks, roots and berries. Even made their own temporary shelter. And they'd spent almost every evening relaxing and sitting around a campfire for warmth, listening to Ben spin all sorts of great stories to entertain them.

And then she'd got to go back to when Alec had taught her to play piano. One had been found in a large abandoned building a few months after TC had been established and it had been set up as one of their communal lounge/rec areas. They'd ended up there one night almost a year ago now, and she'd teased and cajoled him until he'd finally given in and shown her how it was done.

She'd been alright, getting the mechanics of it down easily enough, but nowhere near as good as him in terms of portraying emotional depth and feeling. But that could've been partly because of how distracted she'd been, sitting between his legs and leaning back into his chest; his arms wrapped around her as he'd moved her hands over the keys and explained the basics of reading sheet music. It had been a lot of fun though, and she still dabbled at it from time to time whenever they wound up there.

But she'd particularly enjoyed revisiting the time Alec had taken her away to Mount Rainier for a camping trip, after convincing her that they could leave Bran holding the fort for three or four days. Ostensibly, he'd told her it was so that they could have their own private celebration and well-deserved vacation since they'd finally signed the truce with the US government over a month prior. But in actual fact, he'd planned a very special and very romantic long weekend, taking care of every single detail so that she could just relax and enjoy herself for a change.

It still brought a smile to her lips just thinking about it. Despite the fact that it'd been the middle of August, it'd been surprisingly quiet and secluded, seeming almost as if they had the entire park to themselves. Not very many people willing nowadays to spare the gas it'd require getting there and back.

So they'd hiked and explored at their leisure, just soaking in the beauty of everything around them, and talking and laughing about all sorts of things along the way. And he'd absolutely doted on her the entire trip, being even more attentive and affectionate than usual and catering to her every whim and fantasy. They'd made love so many times and in so many new and interesting places. Up on a cliff top as the sun had slowly risen around them, and in one of the waterfall pools where they'd stopped to skinny-dip, neither of them having tried it before; and even in a luminescent ice cave they'd found purely by accident.

Her favorite time though, and the one she'd re-experienced, being on their second night there, when they'd set up camp on the edge of a wildflower meadow by Tipsoo Lake. After they'd eaten and cleaned up, and been about to settle in by the campfire for a romantic evening, Alec had surprised her by getting down on one knee and proposing transgenic style; offering his neck to her and pledging his love and fidelity and protection to her for the rest of his life. Swearing to her that she'd never want for anything if there were any way he could possibly provide it, and asking with his heart shining up at her from his dazzling green eyes if she'd consent to mate with him and make him the happiest man alive.

It'd taken her a second to catch her breath and realize he was drop-dead serious, that he hadn't been kidding around at all with the broad hints and suggestions he'd been dropping the past few months, as she'd feared he might've possibly been, too scared to actually get her hopes up. But then she'd given him a radiant smile and nodded, saying "Yes," before tugging him up and into her arms for a kiss.

They hadn't even bothered with the tent they'd pitched, much preferring to lie together under the vast splendor of the stars. The moon gracing them with her luminous blessing as well. Alec had opened up one of their sleeping bags and laid it out in the middle of the field, and with the sweet scents of the wildflowers floating on a gentle breeze around them, and the soft grass and moss blanketing their bodies; they'd claimed each other and consummated their union before all of heaven and earth.

Sighing blissfully and smiling at the memory, Max slowly came back to herself. Taking another look around at all the arches, she shrugged and decided to hit one more before stopping for the night, as she really wasn't feeling all that tired at the moment. Stepping through the closest portal, she frowned and stopped in her tracks when the mist dissipated to reveal nothing but a cold pitch-black void around her. The air so chill, she could've sworn she'd be able to see her breath. If she'd been able to see that is.

~Plink~

"What the hell?" Turning around in a circle, she strained her eyes as hard as she could, but couldn't pick up the source of the sound. Or anything at all in fact. Not even the slightest hint as to what this memory might be. Except...

~Plink~

And there it was again. The sound of... water? Dripping somewhere? Maybe into something metal? She cocked her head to the side, listening intently to the slow but steady noise, and trying to place the other low-pitched buzzing and ticking sound in the background as well. Drawing in a deep breath as she tried to concentrate, she nearly gagged on the sickening aroma that filled her nostrils.

Blood.

The smell of it was everywhere now that she was starting to focus more on her other senses, initially overwhelming the other cloying odors around her, and it sent a shiver running down her spine. Especially when she identified the taint of sweat and fear and urine lingering as well. And the musky scent of semen.

But before she could fully process those things, she heard a low moan come from somewhere directly behind her. And then a hint of light illuminated a tiny fraction of the floor in front of her, only to swiftly blink back out again. After a few seconds, and another groggy moan, the light blinked again and returned, filtering in through a small barred grate on the wall to her right near the end of the room. Her vision narrowed and bleary at first, almost as if she were looking through someone else's eyes. As if someone were shining a rather dim flashlight and slowly casting it over the contents of the room, directing her sight and burning the afterimages into her retinas.

The grey of the walls and ceiling was bleak and unrelenting, slowly resolving itself into concrete in her mind, and after a moment she realized the dark-brown splotches that stained the equally grey floor likely weren't made by paint. And she swallowed hard and moaned herself as she started to grasp where she likely was and what it all meant. And why she couldn't recall ever being here.

Her hands began to tremble as she clutched nervously at the silk collar of her robe, pulling it tighter around herself in an instinctive protective gesture. The descriptions from the previous victims beginning to flash through her head unbidden, matching themselves up one by one with the images slowly materializing out of the gloom around her. The concrete room and the metal door that the grate was set in. The toilet and sink. The floor drains. The hooks and chains. The metal racks. The sex toys and hideously obscene torture devices. All of it inexorably coalescing into nightmarish proportions.

She started hyperventilating and mumbling "No" to herself over and over again when the directed vision swung down to focus on unmistakably teal fabric. Then slowly lifted to trace feminine arms; cataloging the heavy steel manacles encircling each wrist and following each chain up toward the high ceiling. Slender fingers grabbing onto the chains and tugging hard against the spot where each was strung through a loop in the ceiling and then bolted back down to the floor; finding them more than solid enough. The gaze glancing back down at ankles that were bound just as securely and tracing their chains to thick bolts in the floor as well, although there was plenty of slack in those.

A primal cry of terror and distress resounded behind her, making the hair stand up on the back of her neck. Followed closely by the sounds of a fierce struggle arising, the chains rattling and clinking in protest. And then she felt it, a surge of sensations welling up out of nowhere. First and foremost being the cold hard steel of the manacles, chafing and biting into her wrists where they supported her full weight.

Shutting her eyes on a matching cry of her own, and grabbing at her head at the sudden pain manifesting there, she gulped and slowly forced them open again. Turning around with dread, not wanting to see, but knowing what she was going to find, she saw herself hanging from the ceiling, wrestling feverishly with her bonds, her legs kicking out wildly as she pulled with all her weight. And she realized with a stunned and sick kind of horror that her double must have accidently touched her, probably kicked her, as she could _feel_ her pain and terror. The memory she'd somehow managed to repress surging implacably to the fore once more…

* * *

_**2025Jan06 - Monday - Approximately Noon**_

_Thin trails of blood snaked down her arms as she yanked frantically at the manacles encircling her wrists, sharp gasping breaths ripping viciously through her chest as she thrashed and flailed, straining over and over again to pull her hands free. Her skin scraping and tearing to no avail as her bones simply refused to cooperate and slip through the too small openings, not even once they were coated and slippery with her own blood. Hysterical sobs starting to wrack her body as she realized there'd be no escape. Not this time. And no dashingly cocky hero bursting in at the last minute to miraculously save her either.  
_

* * *

"NO!" She screamed, terror coursing through her as she scuttled backward into the inky darkness and along the edges of the room, frantic to find some escape from the hellish reality bombarding her. "Somebody help me! Let me out of here! Please!"

Racing over to the door, she pounded her fists and slammed her body desperately against it, fingers scrabbling trying to open it, but it was no use. She couldn't even see anything outside the door, despite the flickering fluorescent light that she knew had to be outside it. And with some insanely detached part of her brain, she realized it was probably because she'd never made it to the door to see past it in reality.

Finally backing herself up into a corner, she sunk down into a crouch, huddling in on herself and sobbing hysterically as she rubbed at her stinging and burning wrists, "God NO! Please! This can't be happening! I'll do anything! Just get me out of here! _Please! ALEC!"_

Eventually she quieted, becoming almost numb as she began to accept that no one would be coming to her aid, that she was stuck here until the memory played out, no matter how much she might wish and pray otherwise. Her attention finally drawn reluctantly back to her own body hanging about two feet off the floor in the center of the room. The struggle there having abated a bit as well, as her doppelganger muttered disturbingly, seemingly having some sort of conversation… _With herself. Or, well, at least a part of herself_, she realized suddenly, her eyes widening as she was struck by a moment of stunning and disconcerting clarity. Her head throbbing in ever increasing agony as she took it all in.

* * *

_The calmer and much more rational voice of her inner soldier, of 452, soothing, "You need to calm down Max. You're only gonna hurt us, or hurt the baby if you keep this up."_

_Her own panic-stricken voice, panting and answering, "Can't. Can't lose it." _

"_That's right Max. So just calm down, alright."_

"_Gotta get outta here. Need to get free... Maybe overpower him…" the words slipping past her trembling lips in a whimper of pitiable desperation, as her wild eyes tore the room apart, looking for any means of escape._

"_Ain't gonna happen, Max. And you know it." 452 shook her head sadly, as she admitted, "This guy's way too good to screw up that easily. So just let me-"_

"_No! Can't do this… Can't handle this… Never gonna be the same…" She interrupted, her head shaking back and forth in denial as she started to hyperventilate once more, pulling roughly at her bonds. "Gonna lose everything that matters."_

_452's voice hardening, trying to get through to her, "Max! You've got to try to hold it together. I swear I'll take care of this. Haven't I always taken care of you?"_

_But she wasn't listening, still too frantic, too upset. She couldn't make sense of anything, her brain running off on yet another tangent. "Alec. Oh God, I need you. Love you so much. Can't lose you. Can't survive without you. Not anymore."_

"_You won't have to. He loves you." 452 reassured, as optimistically as she could._

"_But he might leave. Most of the other mates have." she cried._

"_Not all of them though." When that got no more than a whimper in response, 452 continued, "You gotta trust him. You _know_ he loves you. There's no way he'd leave."_

_She just shook her head though, too terrified to be rational, "I always lose the ones I love. So why should this be any different?" And suddenly a wave of cramps hit, and she sobbed, "Oh God no, not the baby! Can't lose you too. Only thing I might have left of Alec."_

"_It won't be."_

"_You can't be sure of that!" She almost shrieked at herself._

"_Just don't worry, okay? I'll take care of everything. You know I can. I always do. I'll make sure the baby stays safe Max. I promise." 452's voice ringing with strength and conviction. _

_Finally starting to calm a bit, as the inevitability of it all started to sink in, she muttered, "Can't fight him though. Lose it for sure. He hurt the others real bad when they tried."_

"_I know. And I'll try my damnedest not to, even if it kills me. But you know you can't do this. You'll never make it. Not for as long as this is gonna take."_

_She sniffled and nodded, her voice cracking as she acknowledged her own limitations. "I know."_

_"And there's no way I can control both our instincts to fight, not at the same time, so I'm gonna have to try to make you go away for a little while." Trying to inject some optimism into the situation, 452 said, "Who knows, maybe it'll even help protect you. Keep you from going through this."_

_She wasn't holding out much hope on that though. Her luck never having been that great. "Fine. But if something happens… If we do lose the baby…" Her voice trailed off sadly and she shook her head. "I don't wanna come back, not to become some timid and pathetic little shell of myself with no mate, and no baby! Do you hear me!? Can I trust you to do what'll need to be done? To end things?"_

_Not really thinking it necessary, and not wanting to believe that Alec would actually leave them, 452 sighed and hesitantly murmured, "Ok."_

_Not convinced at all that she meant it, Max sobbed, "No! Promise me that you'll do it! That you'll end it if we lose the baby!" The sheer command and desperation in her voice forcing the other's hand._

_Determined to see this through now and protect their baby at all costs, so that hopefully it wouldn't ever become necessary, 452 vowed, "I promise. I swear it on our baby's life."  
_

* * *

Max gasped, barely able to believe what she was seeing and hearing and feeling. Even though the words spoken had pretty much mirrored the conflicting thoughts she'd had herself out in the hallway earlier, when this had all been merely speculation. And all she could think, after watching herself argue with herself in two bizarrely separate voices and attitudes, was: _This is it._ _I've gone insane. Completely lost it. Maybe I'm more like Ben than I ever imagined._

And then both she and her doppelganger froze, pure and utter silence overcoming them all, as they heard a far off creaking noise of something opening, and then a low menacing laugh ring out. A shudder of sheer dread and fear wracking her body as she realized what that sound heralded. And that she'd heard that exact same sound before, during her initial memory on the beach.

* * *

_Stark panic was etched clearly on her ashen face, her lips trembling violently, her eyes huge as she stared at the door, utterly petrified. And then it was gone. In an instant, a blank mask dropped over her face as 452 shut every single aspect of Max down and forcibly took over, shunting her alter ego off to a safer place inside her memories.  
_

* * *

Max screamed and clutched desperately at her head, almost throwing up as a debilitating stab of pain sliced through her brain, feeling as if she were being torn apart from the inside out. And just as suddenly as it had hit, the pain relented, leaving her gasping for breath, but allowing her to think clearly once more. Blinking back tears as she forced herself to look back up again, she frowned when she realized she had absolutely no clue anymore of what was going to happen. Beyond the obvious that is. Her memory of these events completely non-existent. And then she realized they had to be 452's.

* * *

_Trying to brace herself, 452 gave herself a rushed, if whispered, pep talk, her eyes trained warily on the door as she could hear the echo of his footsteps slowly advancing toward her. "Alright, you can do this soldier. You can handle this. After all, how bad can it really be after all the torture and shit that Manticore put us through. No big deal, right? You can tough this out. It's only 5 days." Her chin lifting resolutely as her eyes hardened into steel._

_After a minute, she heard the lock click open and watched as the door swung inward with a harsh creak, letting in a flood of light and blinding her temporarily. She blinked rapidly to clear her vision, then watched as his massive shadow entered first, followed by the man himself. His legs clad in black leather boots and chaps with the crotch completely cut out; his cock already obscenely erect, sick bastard that he obviously was. The muscles of his bare chest and arms rippling and flexing with barely contained power; his hands held in loose fists at his sides, already safely ensconced in a pair of black leather gloves. _

_His head was covered as well in a black leather mask that completely encased his head from the base of his neck up, concealing his hair and the vast majority of his features. Large slits cut out only for his ears, mouth, nostrils and eyes. Although with the way the mask protruded down and out over his eyebrows, and the way he'd painted the skin surrounding his eyes completely black, it was impossible to see more than the glint of his eyes. They were too overshadowed to be able to make out anything else. _

_Breathing as slowly and as evenly as she could manage, she tried to remain calm, examining every minute detail about him carefully and looking for any opportunity she might get to free herself. She narrowed her eyes to protect them as she watched him move to flick on the light switch by the door, throwing everything around them into sharp relief as the room lit up. The metal torture racks positively gleaming and reflecting the light._

_"Welcome to your new home darlin'." He rasped out in a strangely altered voice, then grinned when he noticed the blood trailing thickly down her arms. "Found out you can't get free, hmmm? And that you're mine to do with as I please now?" He laughed, and then turned and grabbed a long narrow-bladed knife off the far wall.  
_

**Please go to my LJ (see profile) for the continuation of this chapter as it is higher rated than FFN will allow.**


	8. Chapter 7A

**LOST IN A MOMENT**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Dark Angel. I do however own Retha from one of my other fics ITHOB. I am ignoring the runes in this story.

**Author's Note**: I originally wanted to post this chapter all at once, but I'm fighting with getting all the details I need in the memory part (the second half). And the longer I leave this unposted, the more I keep lingering on the first half and fiddling with it instead. Note to self: STOP being a perfectionist! Anyway, sorry this is so short.

**Mood Music:** Ice by Sarah McLachlan

* * *

**Chapter 7A **

**Day 2 - 2025Jan07 - Tuesday - Approximately 3:00 pm**

Little by little, Max drifted back into consciousness, feeling as though she were swimming up from the depths of a dark and murky sea. Her eyes gritty and feeling like they were on fire; every muscle in her body aching with strain and exhaustion, almost as if she'd run a marathon in her sleep. A peculiar sense of numbness blanketing her, making her feel like she was wrapped in a thick layer of cotton, unable to focus or think. Or to even want to for that matter. And after lying there staring blankly at the white wall in front of her for over twenty minutes, it finally occurred to her why that was.

Slowly twisting her head to check how bad her back was, she blinked as she discovered a decided lack of blood and devastation. Confused, she trained her gaze over her arms next, examining and moving each one carefully, but again there was nothing there. No cuts on her hands or thumb, no torn flesh at her wrists, and certainly no broken bone. Sliding a shaky hand gingerly down between her legs, she checked herself there thoroughly as well, but could find no evidence of any damage whatsoever. And she was still wearing the same clothes she'd had on before, so nothing obvious seemed to have changed at all.

_Maybe it wasn't real? _She wondered fuzzily. Wanting, _needing _any excuse not to believe, she attempted to rationalize it. _Maybe I fell asleep and just didn't realize it. Had a really bad nightmare simply from hearing the other women talk about it. I could've conjured up something horrifically evil like that in my head to match up with their descriptions. Couldn't I?_

_Yeah. That has to be it, _she told herself as firmly as she could, trying to sweep her conflicting thoughts and emotions aside._ Because that couldn't have happened_. _Not to me. _Never_ to me. There's no way in hell. _She shook her head determinedly._ I mean, I'm strong, right? A fighter. I would've just kicked his ass. No one gets the drop on me like that. No one._

_And I'm not even hurt at all. If that had really happened, wouldn't I be torn and bleeding?_

_So no._ She shook her head again for good measure.

_Just... NO._

…

And yet…

She _was_ here in this endless hallway of memories…

And she could still _feel _the sting and burn of the lashes biting and carving through her flesh. If she thought about it at all. Which she wasn't.

And she shuddered and choked back a horrified sob when she realized she could still feel _his_ hands on her, touching her far too intimately. Could picture him entering her quite clearly too; feel him tearing her apart from the inside out, and she promptly curled back up into a ball. Fresh tears starting to spill down her cheeks as the foul images and sensations returned with a vengeance, slamming into her with all the subtlety of a battering ram.

And all she could think was... _WHY?_

_Why me?_

_Why this?_

"There's gotta be a reason. Hasn't there?" she whispered hoarsely to herself, her voice cracking and catching in her throat, raw from all the screaming and crying she'd done earlier.

"But what could I have _ever_ done to deserve _this_? And who could possibly hate me this much?" She shook her head uncomprehendingly, none of it making any sense in her stunned and frazzled state.

There were no answers forthcoming though, and no one standing by her either to offer her any sort of justification or solace. Just a cold and bitter silence surrounding her. And an immense aching void deep within; an overwhelming sense of loss and desolation, a bleak emptiness that seemed to have no beginning or end. The pervasive apathy she'd awoken with returning and encouraging her to just let it all go and switch off again. Unable to deal with any of it yet.

Time continued to march on, as she lay there unseeing, unmoving. Barely even breathing. How much time she didn't really know, but eventually she managed to muster up enough strength to at least sit up, leaning back against one of the walls and wrapping her arms tightly around her legs, suddenly feeling frozen. And yet she was sweating too, her limbs trembling and her heart racing despite her lack of activity, which seemed quite odd. Realizing after a moment, and with a rather disturbing degree of detachment, that she was likely in shock, she couldn't quite bring herself to care enough to try to do anything about it. Not that there was much she could do in any event.

Her thoughts began to drift aimlessly, flitting over all sorts of topics as she tried to divert herself from thinking about what she'd just endured and what it all meant. She wondered whether the supply run had gotten done yet, and how Dana was coping with the latest bout of teething Jacob had been going through. Whether the revised shift rotations had been posted, and if perhaps they needed to start looking at increasing the variety of food in the mess to help meet the nutritional needs of all the new babies and their moms, most of whom were breastfeeding.

She made a mental note as well to check in with Brandy to start the search for a larger two-bedroom apartment within easy walking distance of Command. For their current one-bedroom wasn't nearly big enough. And she wondered if they should try to bring in some more pool and foosball tables for the rec areas, as they were extremely popular and almost always being fought over. Surely Alec knew somebody in his extensive contact list that could help them procure a few more. And…

"Alec." She whispered longingly, as he filled her head to the exclusion of everything else."God, I'd give anything to have you here with me." She tightened her grip around herself, needing the security of his strong arms wrapped around her instead, protecting her and holding her close. "I wonder what you're doing right now."

While he was normally quite easy-going and hard to rile, she had the feeling that wouldn't be the case any longer. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture him; the images flooding her mind. His eyes wild; his legs pacing frantically as he ran his hands roughly through his hair and chewed at his thumbs in frustration. No doubt he'd be freaking out much like Kris had, cursing and throwing things and punching holes in walls, and tossing out orders left, right, and center. Using every available resource to try to find her. _For all the good it'll do me, _she thought sadly. Feeling tears rising to the surface again, she took several deep calming breaths to steady herself and firmly pushed that line of thought away, knowing it would lead nowhere good.

Their baby was next to cross her mind, and she shifted her legs down carefully so she could slide her hands protectively around her lower abdomen, beginning to caress it and softly hum a little lullaby, in an attempt to soothe herself more than anything else. For she had to believe it was going to be alright. The alternative simply unthinkable.

She tried to imagine whether it would be a boy or a girl, and which Alec might prefer, as they hadn't really had a chance to discuss that yet. But she figured he'd probably want a son first. In her mind's eye though, she pictured herself holding a beautiful little baby girl. Whether she would have her father's gorgeous green eyes and her dark hair, or some other combination of their features, she couldn't quite decide. It was fun to imagine all the different possibilities though, and that kept her quite happily distracted for another decent stretch of time.

Eventually though, as she slowly started to emerge from the refuge of the mental cocoon she'd constructed for herself, her mind drifted again to consider the existence of... _Hmm._ _What should I call her anyway?_ _My alter ego? A split personality? Or something else?_ She frowned slightly, more than a little perturbed by the idea.

While she'd known for years, pretty much her entire life really, that she had an 'inner soldier' – a direct throwback to her childhood as 452 – she'd never particularly thought of her as being a distinct and separate entity from herself. Although it really shouldn't have surprised her. She'd never liked that side of herself after all, had absolutely despised being a soldier and having to subjugate her will to someone else's control. And she'd done everything she could to distance herself as soon as she'd escaped out from under Manticore's reins; burying 452 down deep and not giving her much thought after that.

Except for when things got rough. It was habit she knew, but she always fell back on that persona during times of trouble; relying on the stronger and more detached 'soldier' in her to remain calm and effective whenever something dire threatened or needed to be done. And "Oh my God," she whispered, as it suddenly occurred to her. "It all makes sense now. That's probably what happened when I shot Logan. Why it all seemed so hazy, and why I don't remember consciously grabbing Alec's gun and pulling the trigger." She shook her head bemusedly, "Because _I_ didn't. 452 must have taken over and done it for me."

And it was weird, because when she'd heard her talking – and she absolutely refused to think about why yet, just that she had – 452 had seemed to be fully aware of her and everything that was going on around them. Had apparently been living like a shadow in the back of her mind this whole time, only stepping up when needed, but completely cognizant of all the intimate details of her life, including Alec and the baby. Some of her words replaying in her mind and affirming that hypothesis.

"_You're only gonna hurt us, or hurt the baby if you keep this up."_

"_This guy's way too good to screw up that easily."_

"_You gotta trust him. You _know_ he loves you. There's no way he'd leave."  
_

But _she hadn't _been aware of 452's continual presence. And it was distressing, and more than a bit disconcerting, to realize that there was someone else living inside her, someone who'd experienced every single event in her life, and maybe even things that she had little or no knowledge of. What she was going through at the moment, living proof of that.

"At least before this, I always seemed to be aware of what was going on when 452 was helping out, but now she appears to be in complete control and keeping all knowledge of what's happening from me. Not that I mind either, as I'm much better off this way." She shook her head and shuddered. "Hell, I'm having a hard enough time as is just dealing with the knowledge that I've been… that I'm _being_… … … that _this_ is real," she finally finished with a whimper, unable to utter the word raped, not in context with herself. The wound too raw and unfathomable at the moment to even attempt to go anywhere near it. "I'd lose it completely if I had to experience it all too."

And then she snorted, "Although, really, I guess maybe I already have. Lost it, I mean. I do apparently have two me's now, don't I? And I'm trapped inside my head. And talking to myself too!" An edgy, almost hysterical laugh escaped her, before she shut it down, refusing to let herself fall apart any more than she already had. Too uncertain as to whether she'd be able to put herself back together again if she did. "My nervous breakdown's just gonna have to take a backseat for the time being, 'cause I've got more important things to worry about," she muttered resignedly. "Like figuring out how to make my way back to the real world."

Sighing heavily, she forced herself back on track, "Alright, so focus Max. While it is a blessing for her to be in control right now, it's also potentially problematic over the longer term. Because what's gonna happen when this is over? Assuming all goes well with the baby, and I want to return that is. Will I even be able to go back and take over again?" Thinking about the sharp blinding pain she'd felt when 452 had assumed command, she wasn't sure. "Was there a greater meaning to that? Maybe we _weren't _separate before, and whatever she did _caused_ the split? Maybe that's why I'm not aware anymore of what's going on?" And that was a frightening thought. Made it all seem that much more permanent.

"Of course, she's likely gonna be a complete basket case by the time this is finished. Probably be more than eager to hand the reins back over to me if she can." She grimaced and shivered, as she unwittingly remembered the tears and tormented look on 452's face near the end. But it didn't bear thinking about. She couldn't. Not if she wanted to remain at least semi-sane and functional.

"Alright, so I'll find a way to get back. Somehow." She told herself firmly and pushed on. "In the meantime, I've got to do something. 'Cause I'll go stir-crazy if I just sit here thinking about everything that's likely happening to me right now. To her." She amended quickly, finding it much easier to deal with that way. Even that slightest bit of separation helping to soothe her frayed nerves.

"Okay, so maybe I can use this time to figure out who's doing this. Maybe some of these memories can actually help me." Looking up, she stared nervously at the archways around her, not even sure which one she'd most recently come out of. "Do I dare try to visit any more though? What if I end up back _there _again?"

She shuddered and then shook her head, trying to convince herself it would be okay. "No. That can't be very likely, can it? After all, I've got almost 25 _years_ worth of memories to choose from. And the ones I want to avoid only take up maybe a few days of that. So I should be safe. Shouldn't I? The odds _should _be in my favor."

Slowly rising to her feet and wincing at the bone-deep weariness seeping through her, she started walking down the hallway, taking herself farther away from danger. Or at least she hoped she was. Finally stopping when she'd gone about 300 feet, she gazed at the arches around her and started praying, "Please make it a good one. Be something that I _want_ to see… _Please_…" Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she turned and forced herself to enter one...


End file.
